I once knew a woman who wasn`t sure she should wear a low-cut dress to an office party. ”I`ll hang it in the bathroom while I take a shower,” she said. ”If God wants me to wear it, He`ll take the wrinkles out.”
Does He do alterations, too?
Maybe that`s why the world is in such rotten shape: God is too busy pressing pants and steaming dresses to work on world peace.
Now it looks as if God-or one of His associates-is selling real estate on the side. At least Mary Kirkpatrick thinks so. To sell her home, she buried a statue of St. Joseph in her front yard. Right by the ”For Sale” sign. It sold the next day.
”I feel funny about it,” Mary said. ”Actually, I don`t know what caused it. I just thank God the house is sold.
”I`d never heard about St. Joseph until my friend Phyllis sold her house that way. She said, `Don`t list, just bury St. Joseph.` He sells it right away, too. It`s gone the next day or so.
”We had our house on the market six weeks. No one was interested. Then two people canceled appointments in one day. My husband, Bob, said, `Let`s bury St. Joseph. What can we lose?` ”
DISPLAY OR BURIAL?
Bob asked for the statue at a religious supply store. ”The woman said,
`You`re selling your house.` Just like that. She sells them by the case. She was temporarily out.” At the next store, when Bob asked for St. Joseph,
”the clerk said, `The display kind or burying kind?`
”My husband said, `What`s the difference?` ”
About $4.
”The burying ones were plain tan plastic,” Mary said. ”They cost about 79 cents.”
Bob spared no expense. He bought two.
”You have to bury St. Joseph upside-down, facing the street. At least, that`s what Phyllis said. And if you dig up the statue before you move, you`ll lose your financing.”
That night after the burial, ”we were sitting around the house. Since the two appointments were canceled, it wasn`t cleaned up. I saw this truck come down our street. I said to my husband, `It`s for us. Start cleaning up.` ”He didn`t believe me. I picked up the laundry off the couch and started running around. Sure enough, it was a couple to see the house. They said they were sorry; they thought they`d called ahead. They looked around and made a bid.
”The next day we had another couple. They made an even higher bid. We accepted.”
A SHINY BIT OF LUCK
Mary liked them. ”The wife`s grandfather came along. He picked up a penny in our driveway. He said it was a lucky penny and this was a lucky house.
”I thought, `Great. Two sets of superstitions. One picks up pennies, the other buries statues. We belong together.`
”I work for a dentist who isn`t Catholic. He teased me about my voodoo real estate. He went to a church meeting and told everyone. A woman who sells expensive houses told him, `We used to laugh. We don`t anymore. It`s odd, but it works.` ”
Tradition says St. Joseph, the husband of Christ`s mother, Mary, was a carpenter. It doesn`t say why his 79-cent plastic image would sell $100,000 homes.
”It`s a good investment,” said a saleswoman at Catholic Supply of St. Louis. ”A gentleman here knows a woman who couldn`t sell her $400,000 house. She was afraid she`d have to come down on her price. Instead, she got St. Joseph and it sold the next day.
”It`s an old custom. You say a prayer and bury the statue. Afterward, you dig St. Joseph up and give him a place of honor in your new home.”
Mary Kirkpatrick said, ”I know a real estate agent who keeps the statues in her purse and secretly buries them.
”My neighbor is a nonbeliever. She said, `We sold our house last year and we didn`t need St. Joseph.` The agent was standing right there. She said, `I hate to tell you this, but I buried one in your yard. The house sold the next day.` ” –
