I had just walked from my bedroom into my office. Then I walked back into the bedroom because, of course, I`d forgotten the purpose of my trip. The television was playing in the bedroom-an old movie was on, and I noticed a woman on the screen.
”Oh, that`s Louise Fazenda,” I said to myself, and then tried to figure out what I was doing and why. Then came this wild double take: Louise Fazenda! Why had I remembered a name of such insignificance in the movies of the `20s and `30s?
Where, in what strange pocket of my brain, what mad synapses had that come from, when I sometimes forget the names of close friends, can never find my glasses (even when they`re around my neck) and live more and more in a world where I have to just wait and see what will surface in its own good time when I`m trying to remember something?
In 66 years, remembering Fazenda`s name has never been among my priorities. I never did get back to why I came into my office, but having now returned here, I am reflecting on my strange and awesome brain.
The longer I live, the more it seems to have a life of its own. I always thought my brain belonged to me-was my servant. Now I find that it has its own priorities, eccentricities and schedules. I can fight it, knowing I can`t win, or I can go along for the ride, wherever it may take me.
Maybe today it was more important to my brain to think back nostalgically about the movies of my childhood. Maybe, in some movie, she reminded me of my Aunt Lilly, who was delightful, adoring and looked a little like her.
It doesn`t seem to matter. I feel calm and happy and I no longer care what I was trying to remember. If I need it, it will come back after I`ve taken a few extra vitamins. Maybe my brain was telling me to take a rest.
I hate computers with a passion, but the one above my neck fascinates me. Somewhere inside, there must have been a software spot for Fazenda.
How did it get there? For the sake of surviving in the midst of general internal and external chaos, I am going to assume my brain is my friend.
What choice do I have?
