The jokes keep coming from last week`s convention of the American Bar Association in Atlanta. Bill Kirby of the Gwinnett Daily News in Duluth, Ga., recounts this tale:
An old farmer was showing a slick-dressed city lawyer some country property. Halfway across the pasture the lawyer accidentally planted both of his expensive shoes in a fresh offering left by a wandering cow. He jumped back and howled, ”My goodness! What`s this?” The farmer turned around, surveyed the mess around the lawyer`s feet and drawled, ”Looks to me like you`re melting.”
SOUP`S ON! Not all of Campbell`s soups are mmmm-good. From ”Late Night with David Letterman`s Book of Lists” comes Campbell`s 10 least popular choices:
10. Cream of Gristle
9. Tomato Garagiola
8. Old-Fashioned Grease and Weasel
7. Mink Bisque
6. Turkey with Platformate
5. Tap Water with Lawn Trimmings
4. Turkish Prison Surprise
3. Bryant Gumbo
2. Sideburns `N` Barley
1. Manhattan-Style Windex and Shrimp.
SEXY PATRICK No, it`s not a Nobel Prize or a Pulitzer, but People magazine is stopping hearts again with it`s annual selection of Sexiest Man Alive. The 1991 honor goes to actor Patrick Swayze, star of ”Ghost” and ”Dirty Dancing.” Demi Moore, Swayze`s co-star in ”Ghost,” says of the SMA winner: ”He has a very sweet, gentle, kind heart, and those Southern manners. But he`s also got a very rugged animalistic physique.” Swayze, who said he was ”flattered and surprised” by the designation joins previous winners, Mel Gibson (1985), Mike Harmon (1986), Harry Hamlin (1987), John F. Kennedy Jr. (1988), Sean Connery
(1989) and Tom Cruise (1991).
BAKER`S BACK BETTER Former Sen. Howard Baker (R-Tenn.) is ”doing well” following four hours of back surgery at the Mayo Clinic on Friday to correct a lumbar disc that was pressing against a nerve. A hospital spokesman said Monday that the recovery of the 65-year-old former Senate majority leader ”is going as expected.”
LOGICAL PROGRESSION Rap star Ice-T told Movieline magazine that the line between crime and show business is a fine one indeed:
”This business called show business is a perfect transition for a criminal. Everybody in this business is doing some kind of rip-off or scam. I did a recording deal with a guy once, and he said, `Hey, Ice, you got a lot of spunk. Did you go to business college?` I said, `No, man. I learned what I know from selling hand grenades in alleys.` Explosives, show biz . . . It`s all the same thing.”
HUGH`S VIEW Playboy founder Hugh Hefner on the joys of being a 65-year-old family man: ”Having had such a wonderful adventure of a life, I find against all odds, this time is the best of all. It brings tears to your eyes. To see and find baby toys at Playboy West Mansion is so delicious . . . Now when you find baby oil here there`s a baby around.”
