The sport is bob a deux. That`s bob-a-doo. The two-man bobsled. And, high upon one of the shabbier Alps, we discover half of the featured American deux is none other than Herschel Himself Walker.
”One more thing added to the things Herschel does,” says Herschel of his duties as sled pusher and bob a deux baggage.
Some of the other things Herschel does are run sideline to sideline for, presently, the Minnesota Vikings. He will prove to be every bit as valuable to the U.S. No. 1 sled as he has been to the Vikings.
Walker, along with other football players of recent Olympiads, has discovered that gravity works. Push something slippery off an icy ledge, and, every time, it will slide down.
Willie Gault was the first to realize this and made the `88 team as an alternate sled launcher. Walker and Greg Harrell of the Raiders are on this year`s team.
Such cross-sport whim-chasing, says Walker, has brought lots of new publicity to the sport, though, to date, no particular international success. ”Herschel just loves to compete,” says Herschel.
The driver of the bob a deux is Brian Shimer, a bit of a whiner who does, at least, not refer to himself in the third person.
Together they will try on this day to push and steer and slide down a curvy hill faster than anyone else, including an actual prince, lots of guys named Gunther and the Caribbean division of bobsledding, which are the sleds that come down bottoms up.
(My suggestion to the various tropical entries is to start with their faces already buried in the ice so that by the time they reach the bottom they will be right side up.)
Shimer and Walker had been very fast in practice, raising speculation that it is possible for a fading Heisman Trophy winner with strong legs to drop by and win a medal. Walker`s wife would be wearing a T-shirt over her parka that said ”Herschel Knows Snow.”
As it turns out, Walker didn`t know all that much. It wasn`t Walker`s pushing that had given the USA I sled good times in practice. It was shorter runners, illegal by 6 millimeters or so.
This oversight was blamed by Shimer on the late Peter Kienast, who happened to be dying of cancer when he made the runners.
How inconsiderate of Kienast to be too preoccupied to notice a few missing millimeters.
The U.S. hockey team is wearing caps that say ”It`s a great day for hockey,” a quote from Bob Johnson, the hockey coach who died in November. Obviously, bobsledders do not place the same value on sentiment as hockey players.
For nine minutes Sunday, the USA I sled had a medal, for five of those minutes it was gold. Then came the Swiss and the Germans and the Italians, obviously as familiar with gravity as the newly acquainted Herschel. USA I would finish seventh.
It would beat all the island hobbyists, except Great Britain, which had begun the second day of the bob a deux in first place. Lowest finisher among those connected to an actual continent was Prince Albert of Monaco.
The prince can be considered an honorary Caribbean, since he finished somewhere between Curacao and the Virgin Islands, roughly the nautical location of Puerto Rico.
Puerto Rico itself, only figuratively, thank goodness, finished dead last.
Shimer would say that had Walker known how to get in the sled better, things may have gone better. Shimer was full of excuses, the most bizarre being that the time of day was different between practice and the race, not that it wasn`t for everyone else.
On the last run, Walker had his best push time of the four that counted, though 18 push times would be better than Walker`s, including the winning sled from Switzerland, shoved by a locksmith from Herznach, Donat Acklin.
Walker had insisted that real athletes are what bobsledding needs. A French gym teacher was better than Walker, and the best pusher on the hill, Markus Zimmermann of Berchtesgaden, is a building contractor.
Maybe a little more practice and a little less condescension is what Walker really needs to be good at this.
”Lord willing,” Herschel said, ”you`ll see Herschel back.”
It wouldn`t be the bob a deux without him.
