If there`s a group of future diplomats who will be ready to field any problems, it should be the kids growing up with multiple sets of parents-the original parents issued at birth and the stepparents who joined the family at a later date.
We have three of these young diplomats in our family, and one of them is getting married soon. It will be one of those weddings where there are too many sets of parents to list them all on the invitation, so the bride and groom have gracefully worded it ”Together with their parents … ”
Their parents. Just who are we? Well, the bride is one of the lucky ones who has her set of original parents still intact. It`s a treasure money can`t buy, and we`re the first to admit that.
The future groom is ours, and for the last 10 years he has had four parents. Two of these parents have cherished him from the moment he was born, and two of us-his stepfather and me, his stepmother-know his early years only from pictures and family stories. We missed the first steps and the first day of school, but we were there for high school and college graduation.
When my stepson was in high school and college, his father and I watched with admiration as he skillfully and comfortably maneuvered between his father and his mother for vacations and special events. We smiled proudly as we observed him tactfully handling the ”whom do I spend my birthday with?”
question, and as he lined up an early Christmas with us and a Christmas Day celebration with his mother. But now it`s time for his most special event yet, and it`s not one for which he can schedule us separately.
Weddings with divorced parents and stepparents are common now, of course. But such occasions do require a little extra care, and they certainly attract a little extra attention. Even those not closely involved offer helpful comments. A woman I met while shopping for a dress for the ceremony told me her daughter had married a man with four parents. She went on to explain how well behaved all four parents were at the service-especially the stepmother-as if speaking of a level of grace to which I could aspire.
Some people ask direct questions. Will the ex-spouses act civilly when they are together? (Answer: There`ll be no food fight at the reception.)
And who will sit in what pew-will Mom or Dad get the place of honor, or-heaven forbid-could we all sit together in one pew? (Answer: We`ll abide by the bride`s wishes.)
Will the ”formers” and ”currents” talk to each other? (Answer: Why wouldn`t we? It`s not often you find another couple as interested in your kids as you are.) The list of questions goes on and on.
Would Dear Abby or Emily Post approve of the ”step” arrangements we`ve worked out? Who knows? As long as things are the way that the bride and bridegroom want them, that`s all that matters. The young man who`s going to walk down that aisle is dear to us, and none of his parents-neither the originals nor the steps-will let our young diplomat down on his big day.
We`d like to think we`ve learned something from him over all these years.
