A small painted rainbow visible against a St. Charles home’s clean white exterior is not just decoration. The rainbow is also a reminder that this charming old home on Walnut Street in St. Charles is for children.
This, the Bobbi Burrow bereavement center, is their place.
Furnishings inside the comfortable home are mindful of the children: An overstuffed sofa occupies the living room. In one corner, a fish tank gurgles. Books and games line the bookcases. Stuffed toys and beanbag chairs crowd two tiny bedrooms.
In the cozy kitchen-office, Carol Rosene, a retired pastoral minister, makes her daily phone calls. Dressed in a sweatsuit, her thick steel-gray hair neatly combed, glasses resting low on the bridge of her nose, Rosene looks relaxed.
But looks are deceiving. Today Rosene, founder and executive director of the Bobbi Burrow, struggles to secure additional funding for the center, which operates entirely on donations and grants.
(She raised $15,000 in six months from various churches, mental health organizations and private donations. Operating costs are $38,000 a year, and she made up the difference from her own pocket. She expects grants to cover the difference in the future.)
“It’s a constant struggle,” said Bob Rosene, Carol’s husband of many years. “Most of the work during the day is raising money. Carol is there day and night. Sometimes I see her maybe one night a week. But it’s her baby. She’s the director. It’s what she wants.”
Dedicated in May of 1992, the Bobbi Burrow is the area’s only free bereavement center for children of all ages. Ecumenical and relaxed in its approach, the Bobbi Burrow provides loving support rather than professional counseling for children experiencing the death of a loved one.
For Rosene, a St. Charles resident and the mother of four grown children, it is the fulfillment of a dream.
“About eight years ago, while I was working as a pastoral minister at St. Patrick’s church in St. Charles, I saw an article about Fernside, a children’s bereavement center in Ohio. Since I worked with grieving children at St. Patrick’s, I got very interested. I knew I wanted to do that someday,” said Rosene.
One summer, Rosene’s dream nearly materialized.
“I was working on a local children’s grief task force. And we discussed creating a children’s bereavement center. But at the end of the summer, the agreement was to wait for a year or so,” Rosene said.
Rosene, however, couldn’t wait. “I got home and, knowing I was going to retire in a year, decided that this was a sign. I felt it was up to me to get things moving on a center,” she said.
Relying on her many church and community contacts, Rosene soon had assembled a board of directors. That task completed, she then set out to find a house, determined to provide the children with their own place.
“I called my Realtor and told her I needed a house, but not for six months. Of course, being a good saleperson, she called me back 10 minutes later, saying she’d found the perfect house,” Rosene said, laughing.
One look and Rosene realized the real estate agent was right. She bought the house with her own money. An added bonus was the income she received renting the top floor to an accounting firm. But the drawback was that by purchasing the home in November of 1991, six months sooner than desired, Rosene had to work overtime to get the home ready.
Today, the center thrives. Since the first session began, in June of 1992, more than 100 children have found loving support at the Bobbi Burrow.
Impetus for the center also sprang from Rosene’s own grief. At age 5, Rosene lost her mother, Bobbi, to pneumonia. A portrait of her hangs in the center’s dining room.
The center is named in her memory, a constant reminder to the children that Rosene understands their suffering.
“Nothing hurts as badly as that. I know,” said Rosene.
Rosene also knows, from experience, that keeping the child insulated from the funeral process only deepens the pain and confusion.
“When my mother died, there was nothing for children. Back then, people believed by hiding it from the children they were protecting them.” Rosene said.
At the Bobbi Burrow, the approach is very different.
“In addition to our meetings, we have parties once a month. Everyone, past and present, comes. This way the children get to meet children from other sessions. We always begin by introducing ourselves: `My name is Johnny and my dad died of cancer,’ one child will say. Another child will think, `My dad died of cancer, too. I want to talk to Johnny.’ That way they begin networking and become phone pals,” Rosene said.
For Jan, a widow with two small children, who was new to the Fox Valley, the Bobbi Burrow program proved invaluable.
“When my husband died, I immediately looked for some help, so we didn’t fall apart. We were new to the area and my oldest child didn’t have many close friends yet. The Bobbi Burrow program was excellent. She made friends there. And it helped her not to feel so alone. Her best friend now is a girl from the program.”
Groups meet one evening a week, every other week, totaling five sessions in all. Each session begins with a shared meal, prepared by volunteers from a local school. Afterward, the children and their parents separate into discussion groups.
The children are then divided into age groups, separated from siblings and parents. Each group is led by a volunteer trained by Rosene. Books, coloring books and puppets are often used. Writing letters and drawing pictures to loved ones are also encouraged.
Most of all, the volunteers simply listen and answer questions. And since confidentiality is guaranteed, the children frequently ask questions here that they have been reluctant to ask at home.
Richard Yurs, a St. Charles resident and funeral director of Yurs Funeral Home in St. Charles, is on the Bobbi Burrow board of directors. He frequently volunteers his time at the center to answer the tough questions.
“Of course they want to know why, say, their father died, why God took him,” Yurs said. “I am honest. I tell them I don’t know. It’s a toughie. But they can deal with that. That’s one thing I learned; children can handle the truth. They won’t accept lies.”
Thanks to Rosene, the Bobbi Burrow has helped people throughout the Chicago area, including Northbrook, Crystal Lake, and Hinsdale. And while the program focuses on healing the children, the adults have found solace as well.
In fact, Rosene recently started adult sessions. Additionally, once a month, Rosene sponsors a teen weekend.
At the end of each session, there is a closing ceremony.
“Our last class we have a big celebration,” said Rosene. “We release colored helium balloons on the field at Thompson Junior High. Attached to the balloons are love letters from the kids (to the deceased person). It’s a really beautiful ceremony.”
But while the ceremony signals the session’s end, involvement in the center’s activities continues for all the children and their families. For Jan, it is this aspect of the program that is, perhaps, the most comforting.
“When death hits your family, you feel you’re the only one it’s happened to,” she said. “And then you go to a party at the Bobbi Burrow and see a mob of 30 kids or more, ranging in age from 1 to 16, all having fun. It’s then that you realize, you’re really not so alone.”
———-
For more information on The Bobbi Burrow program or to volunteer, call Carol Rosene at 708-513-8327.
