Michael Jordan burst out laughing when he heard the suggestion. Then he got that look on his face that said: It’s a really stupid idea, but. . . .
You may have seen this happen. It was on Larry King’s CNN show last week, the one during which King interviewed Jordan at Jordan’s restaurant. King and I had talked during the afternoon before the broadcast, and we had discussed what Jordan might do now that he was leaving basketball. I mentioned what it is I think Jordan should try, and, on the air, King hit Jordan with it.
Jordan should be. . . .
“The next James Bond,” King said.
Which is when Jordan started laughing. “You would be a great James Bond,” King said. “Would I have to kiss all the women?” Jordan said, indicating that might not go over so great at home.
But, as goofy as the idea is, it would probably work. Jordan is already on record as saying he has run out of challenges. So what’s he going to do-build ships in bottles just to prove he can do it? Learn card tricks?
Taking over the James Bond role in the movies would be a challenge worthy of Jordan-and one he just might be able to conquer. A wonderful franchise-the James Bond movies-has fallen on hard times. It wouldn’t be the first time Jordan was called upon to rescue an ailing franchise.
He’s a big Bond fan, anyway. The movies-there have been almost 20 of them-represented the apex of superherodom, of derring-do, of cool. When Sean Connery was James Bond, the movies were virtual required viewing for the American public. An actor named George Lazenby took over for one film, and then Roger Moore did a basically ho-hum string of them, and, most recently, an actor named Timothy Dalton has had the role. But who really gets excited about the Bond movies anymore? Who rushes out to see them on the day they open?
Jordan could change all that. Offers to act have already been submitted to his agent, but he is unlikely to accept any of them because of one factor: No matter what role he played, the audience would look at the screen and see not the character, but Jordan. He’s too big a star for any part.
Except for one. Jordan could play Bond and the audiences would accept it instantly. It would be part of the fun. You can see the print ads already: Jordan in a black tuxedo, his arms crossed, his gaze staring off the newspaper page under the headline: “Michael Jordan is James Bond.” Who wouldn’t go to the theater to see that?
True, Jordan is probably not exactly who Ian Fleming had in mind when he created the James Bond character. But times have changed, and the world needs a new Bond. Think of the requirements of the role:
Sophistication. You ever see Jordan looking anything but elegant? You ever see a guy who wears an expensive suit better?
Heroism. That’s been his job for all of his adult life.
Athleticism in performing difficult stunts. Case closed.
Sense of humor. Who’d you expect, Elmer Fudd?
Grace under pressure. Ask the New York Knicks.
Ability to convincingly read a sardonic line. Off the building, over the expressway, through the window. . . .
In short, this is not only the answer to Jordan’s quandary-where to find a challenge-but the answer to one of Hollywood’s biggest quandaries. How to bring the Bond movies back to life? The stakes are huge-hundreds of millions of dollars to be made, new generations looking for a good-guy movie hero-and the solution is just sitting here.
The scriptwriters would have one difficult task: how to make the villains despicable enough. How do you write the part of an oafish, thuggish enemy agent and make him any more reprehensible than Bill Laimbeer? How do you create a sneaky, underhanded hit man and make him any less palatable than John Starks? This is going to take some great writing.
But it will be worth it. Imagine the first scene in the next James Bond movie. A man, wearing a white dinner jacket, has his back turned toward us. A beautiful woman approaches, looks twice at him, and then asks him his name.
And Jordan turns around, flashes that smile, and says in a mid-Carolina accent:
“Bond. James Bond.”
And if he makes the first movie quickly enough, and he still feels the need for a challenge-well, the NBA playoffs begin the last weekend in April.
