It has come to my attention that the politically correct term is not “postman” or “mailman” but “letter carrier.” Whoever is leaving this stuff for me, I hope it is pleased with itself.
Dear Bernie,
I am sick to death of both you and your teed-off, grumpy attitude. What gives you the right to ridicule your readers with such abandon? These are people who take the time to write to you and express their own views on matters you write about. This is America, where views are allowed to disagree with your own.-Ken Mahoney, Glendale Heights.
Dear Ken,
Except on Geena Davis, the 1955 Chevy and how much garlic to put into the sauce.
Dear Mr. Lincicome,
I can’t believe the Chicago Tribune lets you near a college football game. Unfortunately, I won’t see your reply as I don’t plan on reading your column again.-L.F. Denardo, St. Charles.
Dear Mr. Denardo,
Columns on cassette will be out soon.
Dear Bernie Licicome,
If you are upset because I have omitted the second “n” in your name, then you know how I feel about your spelling of “Game of the Millenium.” It is bad enough that most people do incorrectly believe that the present millennium ends Dec. 31, 1999, when, in fact, it ends Dec. 31, 2000, but at least they get the spelling right.-Robert J. Bagby, Evanston.
Dear Robert Bagby,
I’ll take “Pretentious Nitpickers” for $400, Alex.
Dear Mr. Lincicome,
It is something akin to sour grapes, or dog-in-the-manger, for you to write the way you do. Your cynical sincerity says more about you than about Notre Dame or Florida State. You always indulge your compulsion to spoil the party. It all sounds like sour grapes to me-this invincible inner certainty of yours about what should have been. As if there were any should have been in sports.-Robert Ghelardi, Oak Park.
Dear Mr. Ghelardi,
It takes a lot of sour grapes to make a Gewurztraminer.
Bernie Lincicome,
You are always right. You are never wrong. You are always humble. So, tell us, what is a stalagtite offense? My Webster’s has stalactite, stalag and stalagmite, but no stalagtite. Perhaps you have coined a new word.-Clarence Young, Elmhurst.
Clarence Young,
Why, thank you for noticing.
Dear Sir:
I wonder if it has occurred to the great brains of the NFL to alter the scoring system that has made the three-point field goal such a major part of present strategy? Like, maybe, one point for a FG within 20 yards, two points within 30, three points within 40 and four 40 and beyond?-Joshua P. D’Esposito, Evanston.
Dear Sir:
You have read the Fox TV proposal, I see.
Dear Sir,
Michael Jordan does not owe you or anyone else in Chicago anything. He gave us three championships in a row. How much more can you expect from a single man than what he has already given us? You should stop criticizing our heroes and start criticizing the people who need it.-Katie Wright, Chicago.
Dear Madam,
Can’t get your pothole fixed either, huh?
Dear Mr. Lincicome,
We, your adoring public, eagerly await the column that admits perhaps the Bulls can win 30 games after all.-Don Metz, Olympia Fields.
Dear Mr. Metz,
Pessimist.
Dear Bernie,
Since you are the most intelligent sportswriter I know, I’m asking you this question: If the White Sox had the best player in the American League, the best pitcher in the American League and the best manager in the American League, why couldn’t they win the American League?-Stewart Skolnick, Chicago.
Dear Stewart,
Being the most intelligent sportswriter is like being the last cashew in a can of mixed nuts.
