Occupations: Comedian and actress.
Birthday: Sept. 28, 1964.
Birthplace: New Jersey.
Current home: Los Angeles.
Marital status: Single.
Car: A green 1994 Ford Ranger XLT.
Working on: “Just for Laughs Comedy Festival,” which airs on Showtime starting Saturday (Aug. 20); I’m on “The Larry Sanders Show” and, starting in the fall, on “Saturday Night Live.”
The last good movie I saw: “Forrest Gump.”
I stay home to watch: “Kids in the Hall.”
Favorite performer: Albert Brooks.
Favorite childhood memory: When I was 3, we were playing hide and seek, and they hid me in a drawer.
Nobody knows I’m: Incredibly socially awkward.
I’m better than anyone else when it comes to: Sleeping.
If I could do it over: I wouldn’t second-guess every single move I make.
I’d give anything to meet: Mary Matalin and James Carville.
A really great evening to me is: Hanging out in New York.
My fantasy is: I’m living in the Bahamas.
The worst advice my mother ever gave me: It doesn’t matter, because I never listened to her.
People who knew me in high school thought I was: Erratic. I had these wild mood swings.
My most irrational act: The first day of school senior year, my family moved to Texas, and I fled back to New Jersey after giving it one day.
The best time of my life: When I was 16. It was the perfect year.
The worst times of my life: 17, 18 and 19.
Behind my back, my friends say: “I wish she’d just shut up for five minutes.”
If I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s: I can always count on pink eye at the most inopportune moment.
Major accomplishment: Having stuck with standup for nine years.
Three words that best describe me: Short white female.
