The Marines’ search for a few good men is clearly no easy task.
For starters, there’s the U.S. Senate campaign of Oliver North, convicted of three felonies, including lying to Congress, during the Iran Contra mess.
Gaining a reversal on a technicality, he’s now the front-runner in seeking to represent Virginia, whose population seems to suffer from collective Alzheimer’s. One merrily envisions his prospective Senate colleagues enduring dyspepsia as they heed institution tradition and, during floor debate, next year have to address Capt. Slime as the “distinguished gentleman from Virginia.”
Last week, a colleague of mine who lives in northern Virginia found a wonderful document in his mailbox: a North fundraising letter with two pennies glued to it.
“You’re probably wondering why I glued two pennies on this letter,” North begins, proving that his direct-mail consultants adeptly reflect the client’s razor-sharp intellect and psychological insight.
“Actually, there are two reasons: 1) I have something important to tell you and I thought two pennies (featuring the very appropriate words `In God We Trust,’ `Liberty’ and the image of Abraham Lincoln) would be a way to grab your attention. And 2. Since I want you to give me your own `two cents,’ I thought I would give you mine first.”
The main reason is clearly dramatic: an offer “to serve on my campaign Advisory Board.”
And you’d be dead wrong if you think the only lure is the mere chance to fend off the liberal establishment (“Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Sen. Howard Metzenbaum and dozens of other self-serving politicians who are slowly destroying our nation with their idiotic laws”).
If you join, “You will be invited to our pre-inauguration party. I’ll be honored to have you attend as my special guest. I’ll be sure to compile a photo album of the festivities and keep it for years to come. And every time someone comes to my office to visit me, they can thumb through that photo album and share in our spectacular celebration.”
That’s not all. Forget the Publisher’s Clearinghouse contest, imagine this bonus:
“I will send you a special, confidential, unlisted telephone number (only for Advisory Board members) so you can call and give me your advice during the campaign. But you have to promise not to give the number to anyone else. Scout’s honor.”
Finally comes this: “I will send you a special, embossed Advisory Board Card which will be your I.D. to your family and friends that you’re an important member of my campaign team.”
The need for the Advisory Board is especially important because “the media is going to be all over me like green on broccoli” and, now here’s the real rub, this race will be double expensive “because every Sandinista-loving, far-left liberal special interest group will be working around the clock to defeat me. They know that if you and I win . . . they lose BIG TIME.”
So, though Ollie knows the value of a buck (“I even knew military wives who collected food stamps because the paycheck wouldn’t stretch far enough to feed the kids”), he proceeds to urge forking over $25, or $100 or even the legal maximum of $1,000.
As of the most recent filing, North had raised $8.6 million, compared to $2.5 million by incumbent Democrat Charles Robb. Even before entering the race, North was estimated to have parlayed his felony fame into personal wealth in excess of $20 million, including speeches and imaginative book deals.
Thus, he can afford the pennies.
It’s an interesting window on a critical component of modern politics: raising money. Raising money through the mails is expensive-raise $1 million and you’ll probably net half of that-but takes less effort on the candidate’s part than hitting up individuals for bigger-ticket donations.
“This is a lot like Jesse Helms’ early campaign in North Carolina and Ronald Reagan’s first presidential campaign,” said David Keene, a direct-mail consultant. “If you’ve got good name recognition, and are very ideological, you can try to generate money in small-dollar amounts like this. It’s the same on the left with someone like Ted Kennedy.”
Law and disorder
More on the Marines’ search for a few good men:
Last week, I recounted the amusing tale of Marine Capt. Jeffrey Zander, 39, charged by the Marines with “conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman” by concocting a medal- and ribbon-filled heroic past, then serving as a Marine prosecutor and a Marine defense lawyer in dozens of military proceedings when he, in fact, was not an attorney.
The saga of an apparently very adroit courtroom imposter made its way into a Marine court in nearby Quantico, Va., last Tuesday where Zander’s attorney, Charles Gittins, made an interesting, if strained, argument to dismiss the matter.
In part, he contended that a relevant statute dealing with appointments to the post of Marine Corps attorney declares that only regular officers on active duty can be selected. The Marines, Gittins argued, knew that Zander was a reserve officer, so how can they now be going after him for having violated the rules?
Technically, he had an interesting point. But the judge turned him down. Negotiations continue and may result in a settlement.
Flip-flop media
“Already sorely tried by Whitewater and health care problems, already confronted with a bleak political outlook, the Clinton Administration was staggered tonight by a procedural defeat that may have doomed the crime bill, whose passage it had taken for granted just a month ago”-New York Times, Aug. 12.
“The 61-to-39 Senate vote (on the crime bill) marked a major success for President Clinton, who was widely dismissed as ineffective just two weeks ago today when the House voted not even to consider the bill”-New York Times, Friday.
“When the history books are written, Thursday just may be recalled as the day President Clinton’s luck-and with it his effectiveness-finally ran out.”-Los Angeles Times, Aug. 12.
“Capping a six-year congressional effort, a fractious and weary Senate late Thursday night passed sweeping crime legislation on a largely partisan 61-38 vote, sending it to President Clinton’s desk to be signed into law.”-Los Angeles Times, Friday.
At home with the Roberts
Cokie Watch:
It’s amazing how unproductive most Washington reporters are; how they seemingly can’t work a regular 8- or 10-hour job and serve as talk-show guests and substitute radio hosts in the middle of the work day, or head off to the far reaches of the continent to make paid speeches.
Cokie Roberts, who supposedly puts in a full day for ABC News and toils for National Public Radio, and husband Steve, a senior writer for U.S. News & World Report who finds ample time for radio and TV gigs, clearly are more efficient than mere mortals.
And now the the multi-purpose duo has a new gambit, a nifty example of Washington journalism marketing at its best.
As a sales brochure from United Feature Syndicate makes clear, the couple will rather selflessly seek to confront a question gnawing at the masses.
“People often ask us what it’s like around our house at dinner time,” says Steve Roberts. “What do we talk about? Do we ever disagree?”
Well, now the world-or at least op-ed page editors-has a chance to find out, since the couple is hawking a weekly column: “a down-to-earth discussion of today’s issues from the Roberts’ perspective as journalists, Washington insiders and also parents and working professionals.
“This column is a personal conversation with readers on topics including: kids in Chicago; altar girls; the balanced budget amendment; is the Republican party out of touch?; and the real Generation X
“Cokie and Steve Roberts occasionally write about deeply personal topics, such as the balance of power in their relationship and the stress involved within a family. They even occasionally disagree in print. Whatever the issue, Cokie and Steve Roberts get right to the heart of it to uncover what’s really important to your readers.”
Oh, about the dinner chats.
“Sometimes the subject is Bosnia, or budgets. Often it is our children, or our parents, or our friends-living through the ’90s and juggling all the demands of two-career couples. . . . We hope our column will give readers a ringside seat at our kitchen table.
“Unfortunately,” the sales brochure then informs, “that doesn’t include the tomato sauce Cokie makes every year from the tomatoes in Steve’s garden.”
A newspaper executive who’s got tons of experience in selling and buying syndicated columns made clear last week that selling any new column these days is tough, especially with papers cutting budgets. But he also saw this as an endeavor “in commerce, not journalism. They’re selling their celebrity.”
That may be harsh. This may work, though we are forewarned:
We may have to still rely on canned stuff from Chef Boyardee. No tomatoes from Steve’s garden.
