The Levesques, the Faussets and the Misners-all of Bradenton, Fla.-are proud parents. Their children have-or soon will-leave home to pursue their own lives.
But the pride these and other parents feel can be bittersweet as realization hits that their child-rearing days are almost gone.
June is empty-nest season. It’s the time not only for high school graduation ceremonies but also for weddings, entrances into the work force and plans of going away to college. And parents can feel left behind.
“I’m looking forward to some peace and quiet!” said Gary Levesque jokingly during an interview with him, his wife, Dorothy, and their 21-year-old daughter, Nicole, who will leave the nest in July to be married.
But despite his dry humor during the conversation in the Ellenton, Fla., family’s bright and shiny home, the face of the retired 54-year-old father-who visits Radio Shack with his daughter whenever they’re in the mall together-grew sober when talking about his feelings.
“You never are prepared for your kids leaving. Just one day, they say, `I’m leaving,’ and you’re like, `What?’ “
Even though it’s a shocking moment, parents who have brought their children up right should be confident in the results of their efforts.
“By the time they’re this age, we’ve either already instilled in them what’s right and what’s wrong or else they’ll learn it the hard way,” said Dodie Fausset, 43.
The Bradenton, Fla., mom and interim youth coordinator at Kirkwood Presbyterian Church recently experienced her oldest child, 19-year-old son Taylor, moving out.
“It was just a couple of weeks before Christmas,” Fausset recalled. “It was kind of hard for me, although I don’t know if Taylor knows that.”
Taylor Fausset does know. In a separate interview he said, “I guess my mom was kind of sad. But my parents were all right with it. I’ve always been a pretty independent person, always worked hard for what I wanted.”
A 1994 high school graduate who plans to attend college, Fausset credited his parents not only for supporting his move but also for priming him to leave the nest prepared.
“My parents are real good at making me think about things on my own. If I have an idea that’s way out there, they know how to get me to think about it- they know I’ll eventually realize” an idea isn’t a good one.
Dodie Fausset said keeping an open door for serious discussion with children is a way for parents to know they have taught their children how to think for themselves.
In addition, if this is started at a young age, children probably will tell the parents the whole story regarding bigger issues, including moving out.
“Take those moments to talk to them when they ask, even if it’s 11:30 at night and you’re dying to go to bed,” Mrs. Fausset said. “Otherwise, that moment might not come again.”
Charlotte Misner, 51, has had two sons-Curt, 25, and Carl, 27-leave the nest to do their own thing: Curt is a graduate-school student studying industrial design in New York, and Carl is a businessman in Tallahassee, Fla. She coped with their exits by thinking positively, as did the other parents interviewed.
“I knew they would be bettering themselves,” said the Bradenton homemaker.
“I was proud of Carl because he’d gotten scholarships. I was proud of Curt because he had struggled in high school and now he’s in grad school.”
Misner admits she has it easier because one child is still home-15-year-old Melinda, whom she takes to swim meets and with whom she has “a ball.”
“My husband, Norman, says the minute my daughter leaves we’ll take (an extended) sailing trip-but I think I’ll really feel it when she’s gone.”
Misner offered suggestions on how to fill the emptiness:
“Since I’m a homemaker, I would get a part-time job, or volunteer.”
Misner, a registered nurse, used to volunteer at a health-care facility before her daughter’s activities became numerous.
“Start exercising-I do every morning. I’m also teaching myself to use the computer.”
In addition, Misner paints in oils-“I like to do that when I’m alone.”
Dodie Fausset mentioned another aid: “A lot of it has to do with our faith. I know the Lord will be with my kids even when I can’t.”
She added, “I meet Taylor for lunch occasionally.” Sometimes, he comes to dinner (what struggling young adult wouldn’t accept free food?), but “not as much as I’d like,” Fausset said, laughing.
The best thing parents can do, she said, is to “send them off on a happy note and let them know you’ll always be there.”
