TRAVEL OPTIONS ARE OPENING UP FOR VACATIONING SINGLE-PARENT FAMILIES
Lynn Hiestand wouldn’t consider taking a major trip without her favorite travel companion. Together, they have toured China and Israel and have enjoyed a safari in Africa, scuba diving in the Florida Keys and basking in the Arizona sun.
“In all of our trips, I can’t think of a single horror story,” said Hiestand, a corporate lawyer in Chicago. Not bad, considering her travel buddy is her 13-year-old son, Christian McClellan, who has accompanied his mother on vacations for most of his life (his parents divorced when he was a baby).
“Because I’m away from him so much, this is our time to be together,” said Hiestand, who travels frequently on business.
These days, she meets plenty of like-minded parents along the way. Nearly a third of American families with children under 18 are headed by a single parent-some 11.4 million families, according to census figures. And they are hitting the vacation trail with growing confidence. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, single parents took their children on 26.8 million trips last year, a 31 percent increase from 1989.
The travel industry has begun to take notice. Recognizing a huge potential market, resorts, cruise lines and travel agencies have begun offering packages specifically for single-parent families, typically with attractive rates and an array of special activities.
Perhaps most important, they offer a place where these families can expect to feel comfortable, allaying fears about being adrift in a sea of couples or singles.
And, single parents say, they are surrounded by other similar parents. Club Med has an ad that shows a smiling little boy on his father’s shoulders, beneath the line: “At Club Med, single parents share more than just alternating weekends.” The beach resorts offer a range of family activities and some for the parents alone, wisely putting out signup sheets to match the adults for tennis or golf.
Four years ago, Copper Mountain Resort in Colorado added a single-parent package that includes free lodging for two children and free skiing for beginners. A few tour operators have begun organizing trips for single-parent families, offering biking or rafting expeditions to exotic locales like Indonesia.
Still, for many parents going it alone, travel with children can be daunting. Single parents can lose sleep thinking about just getting through the airport: Who will watch the children while they check the luggage? And then come the real anxieties: What about getting lost late at night on a driving trip? Or what happens if the car breaks down?
Such stresses and strains are inevitable and totally normal, said Dr. Jill Waterman, a psychologist at University of California at Los Angeles who treats many divorced parents and their children. She advises parents to lower their expectations a bit and to recognize that no trip with children is ever going to be perfect.
“Start with a weekend and work up to a week,” Waterman said.
Andrea Engber, the editor of the Singlemother newsletter (Box 68, Midland, N.C. 28107; 704-888-5437), vividly remembers a recent “imperfect” moment: She was in the midst of a frenetic sightseeing trip to Seattle when her 10-year-old son had a fit about stopping at a sight she wanted to see. Her resentment flared; she felt that he was ungrateful and that she desperately needed a break.
“You just have to remember that this isn’t the same kind of trip you’d have on your own,” she said.
If you don’t see your children often, Waterman said, a trip can be even more taxing. The child may have changed more than you expect, and you may have forgotten what it’s like to be “on call” 24 hours a day.
Waterman suggests talking with your former spouse before the trip about the child’s current favorite activities or interests. If that’s not possible, talk with a friend who has a child the same age.
Parents can lower their own anxiety levels by making as many arrangements as possible ahead of time. They should check to see if hotels offer child care or children’s activities. And they should remember to allow some parental decompression time, too.
“Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I jumped in the Jacuzzi,” said Dr. Charles Flexner, a Johns Hopkins University research physician who spent a week at a California beach house two summers ago with his three school-age boys. “The kids thought the whole trip was a great adventure.”
Waterman suggests vacationing with a friend or another family–as long as all the youngsters get along–but not with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. If children aren’t already comfortable with that person, there is no way to avoid ugly confrontations when they are thrown together on vacation.
Many single parents prefer the security of a group trip or at least joining forces with another family. Not only will the children be guaranteed playmates, but the mothers and fathers will have some adult companionship, too.
Graeme Browning, a Washington writer who has a 7-year-old daughter, was able to hike to the top of a glacier in Alaska and spend another day kayaking, confident that her daughter, Lowry, was exploring tidal pools and whale-watching with the other youngsters when they attended a National Wildlife Federation program for families last summer.
“The biggest surprise for me was how doable this was,” she said. “And I got a vacation, too.”
Here are a handful of possibilities for single parents planning vacations with their children:
– Club Med on Eleuthera in the Bahamas, and at Ixtapa and Huatulco, Mexico (800-258-2633), offer programs for single parents and their children. A week on Eleuthera, including air fare from New York, food and lodging, begins at $1,405 for adults; $1,035 for children ages 6 to 11; free for those younger, except on some holidays.
– Copper Mountain Resort, 75 miles west of Denver (800-458-8386), promotes single-parent packages at $94 a night, including lodging for a parent and two children under 14, the parent’s lift ticket and, during some weeks, lift tickets for children. Day care for children 2 months and older.
– Holiday Inn Sunspree Resort, Orlando (800-366-6299), has four-day packages beginning at $329 for an adult and up to four children 12 and under in one room. Some meals are included; free children’s evening activities.
– Escapes Unlimited Tours (800-243-7227) offers 10-day to two-week tours of exotic locations for single parents and their children. Air fare, lodging, some meals and child care included. A 10-day trip through Costa Rica is $1,499 for adults, $1,299 for children under 12.
– The Sierra Club (415-977-5630) sponsors family camping trips around the country that are popular with single parents, often those nervous about camping alone. Six-days at Acadia National Park in Maine is designed to introduce young children to camping; $640 for adults, $425 for children, including meals.
– Backroads (800-462-2848) offers family bike trips, from the Rockies to Maine. Rates average $225 a day for one parent and one child.
