Dear Miss Manners – My new neighbor asked me over for coffee and after 10 or 15 minutes of get-acquainted talk, she said, “You’re dismissed.”
The same thing happened the next time also, and it was just the beginning of many controlling words and acts. I have finally ended the relationship to be free of the stress, mentioning the “dismissals” as an example of her need to control me.
She was astounded that I would have taken offense, saying it was acceptable, normal language that would not have bothered anyone but me.
Please tell me if I am too sensitive. Is being verbally dismissed–meaning “Go home now”–acceptable?
Gentle Reader – Societies exist in which the hosts announce when it is time for the guests to go home, and there are times when Miss Manners wishes this were one of them. Like at about midnight.
But it isn’t. Here that is considered tantamount to throwing a guest out, which is about as rude as one can get. Rather than saying, in effect, “I release you from your obligation as a guest” it says “I have had enough of you.”
Miss Manners would be more willing to believe that this was a misunderstanding (she so much prefers misunderstandings to deliberate violations) if your neighbor had reacted differently when you attempted to clear things up. Anyone who had meant well would have been overcome with horror at the idea of having insulted a guest–rather than mounting the implausible defense that it is your fault.
Dear Miss Manners – In reply to the question, “How are you?” I so often hear the answer, “I’m good.”
Is that correct? For many people, it has replaced “I’m fine.”
Gentle Reader – That’s because they think “I’m fine” means “No, thank you”–as in: “Would you like a drink?” “I’m fine.”
Why people think they have to mess around with perfectly good idiomatic expressions, Miss Manners cannot understand. It creates confusion, which should not be the objective of people who are, by their own account, good.
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Send your questions to Miss Manners, in care of the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
