Dear Ann Landers: I was appalled at the selfishness of “San Antonio,” who thought her father had no right to start dating again after the death of her mother.
I, too, am a widow dating a widower. His children treat me beautifully. They say they are so glad I came into their father’s life because I’ve been good for him and anyone who is good for him is great, as far as they are concerned.
I lost a daughter to cancer a few years ago, and my son-in-law was devoted to her. After grieving a reasonable length of time, he started to date. My grandchildren were upset, and other family members expected me to be upset, also. I told my grandchildren, “Your dad was a wonderful husband to your mommy. He can do nothing more for her now. It takes nothing from your mommy for him to date another woman. Be happy that he has found someone nice.”
He has since married, and his wife and I are the best of friends. I still have to boost up the grandchildren a bit, but they have accepted her and respect her, even though they don’t call her “Mother.”
If San Antonio accepts her father’s relationship and treats the woman decently, she will not lose her father but may gain a good friend. That woman isn’t replacing her mother. After all, life is for the living.
Been There in Baltimore
Dear Baltimore: Beautiful. I could not have said it better. Thank you for all the second wives for whom you spoke so eloquently today. You did more to help than anything I might have said.
Dear Ann Landers: My aunt, “Florence,” passed away recently at the age of 84. No one in the family thought she had any money since she lived in a small studio apartment after my uncle died. She had no property that anyone knew of.
My aunt never had any children. She lived in another state and although I couldn’t afford to visit her often, I wrote, phoned and sent her flowers and small gifts on holidays and her birthday. But most importantly, I prayed with her, knowing that she was coming to the end of her life, because I wanted to help her not to be afraid. She was a gentle, sweet woman, and we wanted her to feel cared for.
After Aunt Florence died, an attorney phoned and told me I was the sole beneficiary on her $50,000 bank CD. I was speechless. She never had spoken to us about money. My family was angry about my windfall and thought the money should have been shared evenly with all her nieces and nephews. They accused my husband and me of persuading Aunt Florence to put her bank account in my name and, worse yet, of being nice to her in order to get her money.
My brother told the rest of the family that I got $500,000 instead of $50,000 and is threatening to sue me. They have completely forgotten that they were always welcome in our home and could count on us for help, if needed. These family members are well-off, yet none of them ever spent any time or money on Aunt Florence. They rarely sent her so much as a card or even phoned when she was sick.
My husband and I are so upset by the way the rest of the family is reacting to our good fortune that we don’t know what to do. Should we keep this unexpected and much appreciated windfall or share it with the family?
R.H., Temecula, Calif.
Dear R.H.: Your Aunt Florence left the money to you because she wanted you to have it. I see no reason for you to share it with anyone. Enjoy!
Gem of the Day: The shortest distance between two points is in one ear and out the other.
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