Dear Ann Landers: I was interested in the letter from “Bye Bye Forever in Texas,” who said the Internet was responsible for the collapse of her marriage. Mine, too, is teetering on the brink of ruination for the same reason.
My husband of 22 years has become a recluse. He refuses social invitations, has quit attending our children’s activities and lies to me about the amount of time he spends surfing the ‘Net. Like an alcoholic, he apologizes and promises to do better, but once the computer clicks on, he sits there, transfixed, until the wee hours of the morning.
I don’t understand the attraction. Most of what I’ve seen is garbage — pornography, crackpot philosophy and nonsense. The young boy in Oregon who murdered his parents and then shot two schoolmates to death had also constructed five lethal bombs using instructions he obtained from the Internet.
I love my husband and don’t want my children to go through the trauma of a divorce, but I am sick of attending events alone and inventing excuses for his absence. I believe the man has a full-blown addiction, and I’ve begged him to get counseling. He refuses. What now?
Wits’ End in the Midwest
Dear Midwest: Your husband has, as you described, an addiction. And, I might add, he has lots of company. If he flatly refuses to get help for his problem, you have two choices: You can make a life for yourself that doesn’t include him. Go with family members and friends to the movies, the theater, card games and so on, as if you were a widow, which in a sense you are. Or you can get really tough and tell him he can seek professional help for his addiction or he will have to move out and take the computer with him.
And now, dear readers, there is another side to the Internet “problem” that must be considered. Keep reading:
Dear Ann Landers: I want to share an Internet experience that is heartwarming. It could provide a sense of balance for those who are screaming about what a bad influence the Internet is on society and how it is ruining marriages.
Two years ago, my 42-year-old son, Steve, was in a horrendous mountain-bike accident that left him in a lengthy coma. Four months ago, Steve died after the life support systems were removed.
During this difficult time, my friends in a chat room for people over 60 kept me going with their kindness and support, not only on the Internet but with cards and words of encouragement sent by “snail mail.” That wasn’t all. They sent me a card that had been signed by chat-room friends from 10 different states, along with a gift certificate for me to have a full day at a spa with massage, manicure, facial — the works!
I call these compassionate buddies, whom I have never met, my angels, for that is what they are. “Linda in Maryland” was the coordinating angel who pulled it all together. My unmet Internet friends have showered me with such warmth and understanding that I now know that kindness and goodwill can be found, even in cyberspace.
U.P. in Los Angeles
Dear U.P. in L.A.: Letters such as yours are reminders that we must not lose faith in the basic goodness of people when we read about the horrendous crimes and man’s inhumanity to man.
My readers have taught me more about compassion, generosity of spirit and genuine goodness than I could have learned in any post-graduate course of philosophy at Harvard or Yale.
