Dear Ann Landers: I am the divorced mother of a 6-year-old son. My ex-husband, “Jerry,” and I have been apart for nearly four years. The divorce was my idea. He tried to change my mind, but I was stubborn and refused to consider counseling. Until now, I never doubted my decision.
Last night, a mutual friend phoned to tell me Jerry got married over the weekend. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I was overwhelmed with feelings of jealousy. All of a sudden, I began recalling our honeymoon, the great times we had during our courting days, how sweet he was on our anniversary, and so on. It seems like I have blocked from my memory how Jerry spent money recklessly, drank too much and ran around on me.
For the last several months, I have been dating a very decent guy who is seriously interested in marrying me. He is solid and stable, loves my child, and would do anything in the world for me. So, why am I now thinking about Jerry, and with such warm feelings? What is wrong with me? Please help me think this through.
Crazy Clara in St. Catherine’s, Ontario
Dear Clara: It is perfectly natural to have such feelings when a former spouse remarries, especially if you are still single. Give yourself a little more time, and if you don’t feel better in a month or so, please get some counseling.
Dear Ann Landers: My daughter received a wedding gift from a relative who had obviously been using it for a while. It was a crystal bowl, and there was some dried food stuck to the sides.
I tried to give this woman the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe the store had sold her some used merchandise. I called her and asked where the gift had been purchased, so it could be returned. She said she couldn’t remember the name of the store, but to go ahead and wash the bowl, and it would be good as new.
I am deeply offended by such tackiness, and so is my daughter. When this relative had a wedding last year, I sent a lovely gift that could easily be returned. I feel as if she has slapped me in the face.
Is there any way I can tactfully tell this person how I feel, or should I stop speaking to her altogether?
Deeply Hurt in Tennessee
Dear Tennessee: I see no reason for you to do either. Why lower yourself to her level? Just make a mental note that the woman is cheap, and let it go at that. I’m sure that whenever she sees you, she will wonder if she got away with it. Her guilt and uncertainty will be punishment enough.
Dear Ann Landers: This is not an earth-shattering problem, but I really need an outside opinion. When I asked my wife to help me decide if I am being too critical, she said, “Write to Ann Landers.” So, that’s what I am doing.
While on a vacation in Arizona, 10 of us went out to dinner. I decided to pick up the check. The question is this: Should I have also left the tip, or should the other nine have offered to do it?
I believe they should have chipped in for the tip. What is your opinion?
George in New Jersey
Dear George: When you graciously pick up the check, you become the self-appointed host. This means you leave the gratuity. If, however, someone in the group insists on leaving the tip, don’t argue.
Gem of the Day (credit Les Brown): No one gets out of the game of life alive. You either die in the bleachers, or on the field. So, you might as well come out on the field, and go for it.
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“A Collection of My Favorite Gems of the Day” is the perfect little gift for that special someone who is impossible to buy for. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Collection, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562 (in Canada, $6.25). To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
