Some people are born cool. Some people achieve coolness. Other people have coolness thrust upon them.
And then there are those who try to buy coolness on the Internet.
The History Channel sold a piece of Hollywood cool on e-Bay last week. It was a pair of Frank Sinatra’s cashmere slippers, a gift from Liza Minnelli.
Unfortunately, the auction on the footgear ended Friday. But, in coming weeks, as part of the cable channel’s nightly program “History’s Lost and Found,” it will put up a number of other cool items for bid.
Among them: Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s inscribed copy of his “Old Soldiers Never Die” speech, a kamikaze pilot’s helmet and goggles (worn only once), a pair of Sir Walter Scott’s shoes, a Spanish bullfighter’s costume that belonged to Ava Gardner’s lover, and two lock picks that helped the great Harry Houdini escape.
I can’t say that I am interested in the general’s speech, the kamikaze outfit, the shoes, the bullfighter’s costume, the lock picks or the Chairman of the Board’s slippers, which Frank rejected because the size 11 gunboats didn’t fit.
He reportedly told an aide to return the shoes (for store credit) but not to tell Liza that he didn’t like them.
As I said, I will not enter a bid on those items, but I have faith in The History Channel.
If they dig deep enough, I’m sure those good folks can come up with a few cool items from Hollywood’s past that would be of interest to someone like me.
Perhaps I could make a few suggestions, just to point The History Channel in the right direction. I would definitely enter a serious bid for:
– The wet socks worn by Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in “Titanic.” If they’ve been cleaned and folded, I’m not interested.
– John Travolta’s dog-eared copy of L. Ron Hubbard’s science-fiction novel “Battlefield Earth,” including John’s hand-written note to himself on the inside cover, “Would make a great movie!”
– The jar of hair gel used by Cameron Diaz in “There’s Something About Mary.” Not that I need hair gel, but I am a collector.
– The vacated parking space of the studio executive who told Francis Ford Coppola during casting of “The Godfather”: “As long as I’m president of the studio, Marlon Brando will not be in this picture.”
– The vacated parking space of the studio executive who said; “Hey, let’s make `Odd Couple II.”‘
– The vacated parking space of the studio executive who gave his approval to a remake of “Psycho.”
– The box of chocolates that Forrest Gump carried around in his movie. If the almond clusters are missing, the deal’s off.
– The piece of mashed pottery that Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore lusted over in “Ghost.”
– The $3,000 check Richard Gere offered Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman.” Just try to get her to work for that kind of money now.
– Dustin Hoffman’s girdle from “Tootsie.”
– One of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos.
– Steven Seagal’s CIA employee ID card.
– Charlie Sheen’s little black book.
– Heidi Fleiss’ little black book.
– The Oscar ballots in the best picture category the year “Shakespeare in Love” beat “Saving Private Ryan.” We want to send them to Florida for a recount.
– The ransom note that was used to get Bob Dylan to show up at the Golden Globes. We’re guessing the Hollywood Foreign Press Association kidnapped Jakob Dylan and forced his father to attend. We can’t imagine any other explanation.
– A handwritten apology from director David Cronenberg for “Crash.”
– A copy of the product-placement agreement for the past two James Bond movies. It must be thicker than a dictionary.
– Mena Suvari’s cheerleader outfit from “American Beauty.” Hey, I told you I’m a collector.
– Russell Crowe’s dress from “Gladiator.” I don’t care what the Romans called it; it looked like a dress.
– Mel Gibson’s ripped pantyhose from “What Women Want.”
– A poster for “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” so I can remember the movie’s title, instead of referring to it as the “Crouching Movie.”
– The location of the real Robert De Niro of “Taxi Driver” and “Raging Bull,” not the imposter who is turning out comedies faster than Jim Carrey and Robin Williams combined.
– The script of the first “Mission: Impossible” movie, because the plot is still missing and I was wondering if it can be found in the original script.
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(“History’s Lost & Found” airs on The History Channel at 6 p.m. Final bids are announced during the last two minutes of the show, followed by the new item to be placed for auction. Bidding ends each Thursday at 5 p.m. To view the item, check out www.HistoryChannel.com.)
