Dear Ann Landers: It has been over six months since the Sept. 11 attacks against our country. While some people’s lives have returned to normal, there are still stories of suicides, depression and recurring fear triggered by reports of new threats. Everyone is healing from this tragedy at his or her own pace. Your readers should know that during the recovery process, it is not uncommon to experience grief, nightmares, restlessness, anger, panic, numbness, detachment, hyper-alertness and a loss of concentration. There may also be physical reactions, such as backaches, stomach pains, changes in appetite or sexual desire, and a higher susceptibility to colds or illness.
For those who are still experiencing these symptoms, I would like to recommend some ways to help:
1. Talk about your reactions. Talking is a form of therapy.
2. Connect with others. They are your support system.
3. It is OK to cry and let your grief out.
4. Limit your exposure to media images of the event.
5. Do something to help others, such as donating time or resources.
6. Utilize spiritual resources.
7. Take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, get plenty of sleep, and continue to do those things you enjoy.
8. Find some relaxation activities such as yoga, stretching, massage, hot baths or listening to calming music.
9. Start a journal, and write down your feelings.
10. Seek professional help if things don’t improve.
Reactions to trauma can last a long time, Ann. Please encourage your readers to get help if they are still having trouble coping. For more information, visit www.ncvc.org.
— Susan Herman, executive director, The National Center for Victims of Crime
Dear Susan Herman: Thank you for helping my readers who still may be suffering from the aftereffects of our national trauma. I hope those who are experiencing difficulties will pay attention to your suggestions.
Dear Ann Landers: I had the same problem as “Computer Widow,” whose newlywed husband spent hours at the computer doing video editing.
My husband and I had been married a short time when his obsession with the computer began to take over our lives. He didn’t do video editing, however. He used the computer to do genealogical research.
I followed your advice to find hobbies to occupy my time, because I realized that nagging would do no good. I took things one step further, however. I developed an interest in genealogy. It gave me a way to share something that was important to my husband and made dinner conversation “interactive.”
I also told my husband we needed to set aside “couple time” alone at least once a week and insisted it have nothing to do with computers. He agreed.
We have had no problems since then. As an added bonus, my husband has become supportive of my hobbies and sees that I have time to enjoy them. I hope “Computer Widow” can set aside her frustration and channel it toward a positive solution.
— Fixed the Problem in Chandler, Ariz.
Dear Chandler: You are the perfect example of the adage “When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.” Not only have you strengthened your marriage, you have discovered new interests. Congratulations.
