Most TV series have aired their season finales, and again many fell far short of our unrealistic expectations. But since we’re always eager to offer positive criticism, the Tempo Subcommittee on Ends That Justify the Means offers these series finales that we’d like to see.
– “ER.” Ebola virus in Exam 1. Anthrax in Exam 2. Osama bin Laden in Exam 3. And, finally, in Exam 4, Dr. Weaver and Jerry smooch.
– “Will and Grace.” Will and Grace both die in a comic-tragic amusement park accident. The sitcom gets a long-overdue makeover as “Jack and Karen,” starring the two funniest characters on the show.
– “Law and Order Criminal Intent.” All the murders take place on campgrounds, prompting a name change to “Law and Order In Tent.”
– “24.” Dennis Hopper reveals he’s not actually Russian – he’s a refugee from Bad Character Actor Nation.
– “The Practice.” They all “step into Bobby’s office” and never come out again.
– “Friends.” Rachel has her baby, and it looks just like . . . Ross’ monkey?
– “The Osbournes.” In a chemical-induced fog, Ozzy accidentally burns his house down trying to microwave one of his wife’s dogs.
– “Malcolm in the Middle.” Fed up with their kids, Hal and Lois skip town and abandon the boys, who then support themselves by becoming a Hanson tribute band.
– “Survivor.” Malaria!
