As we hit the quarterfinal round of the 2002 World Cup and the midway point of the PGA tour, it seems an ideal time to address this question: Which is more boring, soccer or golf?
SOCCER
– One shot on goal every 25 minutes: I Love This Game!
– Easily distracted from game by choral singing in the stands.
– Crowd so desperate for action they cheer when the ball is advanced in any direction.
– Game’s most interesting moment comes at end of match when players take off their sweaty shirts and exchange them with opponents.
– Wussy players who roll on the ground in fits of pain after a light tap on the upper thigh.
– Even with 11 cups of coffee, you need some crazed announcer to shout “Gooooooooooooooooooooooal” to realize that something just happened.
– Gee, how will ESPN work commercials into a sport with no timeouts?
– What the sport really needs: land mines.
GOLF
– He went with a 6-iron instead of a 7. You the man!
– Easily distracted from game by beauty of lawn care.
– Crowd anxiously awaits as Sergio Garcia wiggles and waggles before his shot. Hit the ball already!
– Let’s just be grateful we never have to see the “athletes” take off their slightly moist picque-knit shirts.
– Wussy players who can’t even carry their own bags and demand recognition of how grueling the game is (OK, sure).
– Even with a 42-inch TV screen, you need a magnifying glass to see a 1.68-inch golf ball in the air.
– Gee, what sponsor’s name will Phil Mickelson wear on his hat this time?
– What the sport really needs: quicksand traps.
And the winner is: Baseball.
