Dear Harriette: There is a bar in the city where I often hang out with my friends. I have noticed from time to time a pregnant woman sitting in the back of the bar by herself, drinking alcohol. Should I approach this woman, whom I don’t even know, for the sake of her unborn child, or should I leave it alone and stay out of it and hope the situation will work itself out?
— Kathy, Seattle, Wash.
Kathy: Because she is in your awareness — you know she’s at the bar when you are there — you have a responsibility to take action. Definitely go over to her, but soft-pedal your approach. Nobody wants to be accosted, especially not in a bar.
Talk to her with the intention of finding out who she is and what’s on her mind. Practice good listening so that you can hear what’s truly going on in her life right now. Chances are, if she’s sitting alone in a bar while her baby is incubating within her, she is feeling sad and lonely.
Women often experience mood swings during pregnancy, as well as other personal challenges. Having someone offer a compassionate, non-judgmental ear may be exactly what she needs. As you communicate with her, search for a moment when you can encourage her to find other activities to occupy her time. Gently remind her of the health risks that drinking alcohol can have on a growing fetus. Be careful not to alienate her. It may take more than one conversation to build up a sufficient level of trust for her to listen to you about her drinking. Take your time, so that when you do speak she will be able to hear you.
Dear Harriette: I am a fan of you and your Sense & Sensitivity column in the Denver Post. Today, though, I was surprised you didn’t offer the following advice to Barbara about tipping repair people.
One of the best things anyone can do for another is to compliment the person to their superiors. If she’s saved her $20 and spent 37 cents and a little time, she could have written a nice note to his boss, telling of the exemplary service. Often letters like this are kept in a file for possible merit awards (monetary often), or to help in deciding promotions and advancements.
Our “money-focused” society has fallen away from this fabulous gesture, and I can attest to the wonderful way it feels when you are blessed in this way. Letters I’ve received in the past have done more to brighten my day (and residual well being effects for much longer) than any cash could. We all need encouragement these days and “warm fuzzies” never go out of style!
— Teresa McKinney, Denver, Colo.
Teresa: Your idea was echoed by other readers, and what a great idea it is! Acknowledging the work of others where it counts — with them and their superiors — is the thoughtful, responsible and respectful approach, one that we would all do well to remember. Thank you!
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