We asked Q readers to pass on their favorite dad-isms–expressions, advice, wisdom. Our favorites were a bit short on wisdom–we’re not sure what that says about our selection committee–but they really said “Dad” to us. The winners get cravats from the Q used-tie rack.
First place:
“Do you take Sears?” Opening his wallet when the check arrives at a nice restaurant.
–Karyn Roelke, Rockford
Second place:
My favorite sayings from my dad would be told to my brothers and me after he had a public spell of flatulence: “It’s better to hear that than be deaf,” which would be followed by, “You know why that stinks? For the benefit of the deaf.”
–Frank Collins, Schaumburg
Third place:
My favorite saying from my dad was when one of us was leaving on a date, he would always say, “Remember, stay vertical!”
–Kathryn Shanahan, Burr Ridge
Honorable mention (meaning no tie):
“A friend in need . . . is a friend in need.”
–Bud Podrazik, Chicago
“Smile and enjoy yourself; things will probably even be worse tomorrow.”
–Mark Solomon, Gurnee
Unlucky in love? Wondering how to behave at a party? Read on:
In his subtle way of cautioning me about relationships, my dad would finish his letters: “Keep the gum off your shoes.”
–Lisa Gibertini, New Lenox
“It all gets mixed together in your stomach anyway.” This was particularly used when kids did not want a casserole.
–Cindy Schuerman, Carol Stream
Dad said, “Don’t go nibbing in things that don’t concern you.” On his list: his tools, magazines and newspapers, the garden, and hidden (he thought) stash of homemade wine.
–Robert Broschart, Crown Point, Ind.
“It’s got to stop somewhere.” Used to explain the meteorological phenomenon where it can be raining on one side of the street/town but not the other.
–Ellen Hanrahan, Arlington Heights
If we stayed out too late and came down to breakfast looking rather worse for wear, my dad would say: “He who hoots with the owls by night shall not soar with the eagles by day.”
–Barbara Keller Troy, South Elgin
“Keep your head on a swivel and never put your drink down.” My dad means well, but at parties I end up looking like an alcoholic bobble-head.
–Marianne Klopfer, Wheeling
“You shmarek!” (pronounced SHMAH-reck, with a rolled “r”): A response to the “smart-aleck” driver who just cut you off in traffic.
–Marge Podrazik, Chicago
“He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a handful of grass seed.”
–Norm Thompson, Palatine
Advice from my dad when I’ve voiced complaints about boyfriends: “Time to play Uno–discard one, and draw two.”
–Sandra Langeneckert, Chicago
“Butter’s getting cheaper.” While observing someone scratching their nether regions; believe me, no one in my family understands this either.
–Katherine Mikkelson, Arlington Heights
“We are off like a herd of turtles.”
“Knock the manure out of your cuffs, we are heading into the big city.”
–Anne Neruda, Algonquin
“My memory isn’t bad, it’s just short.”
–Ingrid Durham, Oakbrook Terrace
“Straighten up and fly right!”
“Don’t make me stop this car and come back there!”
“OK, whose turn is it for the `first kiss’?” (We three kids would fight to be the first to kiss Dad after he shaved, so he made us take turns!)
–Robbie Baumgartner, Elgin
My father-in-law would tell his children, as he was dividing up a treat, “There is no such thing as `the bigger half’!”
Another is “A smart scout doesn’t get sunburned.”
–Cate Brusenbach, Lake Villa
“Ah ha, she said with glee as she shook her wooden leg at me,” was my father’s favorite saying. Context and content still elude me.
–Carol Karnitsky, Bourbonnais
“Don’t let your mouth write a check your a– can’t cash.”
–Jill Urbanski, Chicago
My dad used to tell us not to play in the streets or we’d turn into grease spots.
–Barb Klein, Mundelein
My father’s top two sayings have always been, “Who ever said that life was fair?” and my personal favorite, “Hey (hay) is for horses.”
–Rai Copeland-Keefee, Deerfield
My father was an Irish immigrant, so occasionally one of these maxims would come out:
“Don’t forget, Irish, Catholic, Democrat is a hyphenated word.”
“If he’s not Irish, don’t bring him home to dinner.”
–Margaret Arnold, Palos Heights
When we got into trouble: “If you play with s—, you will get it on your fingers.”
–Mary Hart, Chicago
My grandfather-guardian, while watching commercials, always said, “Come and buy, come and buy! We can always use another dollar!”
–Ellyn J. Levell, Oak Park
“He couldn’t fix a ham sandwich if you spotted him two pieces of bread.”
–Jillian Crosser, Monee
Whenever one of my siblings or I mentioned wanting something, my father would say, “The people in hell want ice water.”
–Teresa Thomas, Bridgeview
When I would volunteer to help a friend with a large project, my dad never missed an opportunity to say, “Remember, don’t let your mouth overload your butt.”
–Sharon H. Miller, Ingleside
My dad was a real Renaissance man: a career Air Force pilot who also painted and enjoyed great literature. In fact, he would quote poems rather than scold us. Instead of saying, “Hurry up,” he would say, “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may!” Instead of suggesting that we might be faking sickness to stay home from school, he’d say, “Why so pale and wan, fond lover, prithee why so pale? When looking well won’t woo her, will looking ill prevail?”
But I know on a beautiful Father’s Day, he’d sit back with a glass of wine and quote James Russell Lowell: “And what is so rare as a day in June? Then, if ever, come perfect days.”
–Mary Nell Murphy, Chicago
“If you don’t have anything to do, go to bed.”
“I don’t sleep with my wife, I’m a Democrat!”
–Shawnna N. Bowman, Chicago
My mother was a wonderful cook. My dad’s best compliment to her, especially for one of her desserts, was “Mmmmm . . . almost as good as the bakery!”
–Melody Jorgensen, Glenview
When trying to resolve a problem, instead of talking to a salesperson or to customer service, my father would ask for the manager right away. His reason? “Why waste time with the monkey when you can talk to the organ grinder?”
–Frank Markov, Lombard
