My day in the garage with a TV, a laptop and a couple cigars:
SOX: Danny Wright starts 1-2-3.
SOX: Tony Graffanino gets on. Tell you what, if Carlos Lee isn’t the most unsung Sox, this guy is.
CUBS: Tom Goodwin walks, Tony Womack doubles, Sammy Sosa grounds into an RBI, then Brooks Kieschnick blows an easy fly. Your Heroes, 2-0. Miller Park fans love it. Milwaukee is Chicago’s nicest suburb.
SOX: Cliff Lee? Has anyone heard of any Indians player? Besides Willie Mays Hayes?
CUBS: Kerry Wood hits Keith Ginter, and Tony LaRussa is angry about it.
CUBS: Turn two on Richie Sexson.
SOX: Wright goes 1-2-3-4-5 in the second, trails 1-0.
CUBS: Bill Hall blows an inning-ending double play. Randall Simon follows with a three-run bomb. Your Heroes, 5-0. Banner-raising party planned for PNC Park.
SOX: Graffanino makes awful out at third on a grounder to short. Forget what I said.
SOX: Ordonez and Lee drive in runs. Tie game after six.
SOX: Scott Sullivan gives up the go-ahead run. Makes you pine for Rick White.
CUBS: Sosa homers. Back to a five-run lead. Three innings from a sweep and an all-expenses-paid trip to Puerto Rico. Simon launches another bomb. Your Heroes, 9-2. Hasta la vista, baby.
BEARS: Stewart fake pitch, naked option, nothing doing. Next play: Stewart avoids the blitz, then overthrows Dez White. Oh, so that’s what they’ve been hiding.
SOX: Crede singles. Sandy Alomar sacrifices him to second. Love those Alomars.
BEARS: Garrison Hearst gains 11 thanks to a block by Jeff Garcia. So, a quarterback with a bad back blocks better than Bears linemen.
SOX: Roberto Alomar works a two-out walk. Love those Alomars.
SOX: Frank Thomas hammers a three-run homer. Your Heroes, 5-3.
BEARS: Stewart runs play-action. Quick, tell SpongeJohn SquarePants you can’t have play-action without run-action. Come on.
BEARS: Another bad throw by Stewart. Come out of there, Henry Burris.
BEARS: Kevan Barlow gains eight, not that the Bears miss Ted Washington.
BEARS: Jerry Azumah commits pass interference on Tai Steets.
BEARS: R.W. McQuarters falls. How come the Bears keep looking for a third cornerback when they don’t even have a first two?
BEARS: Third-and-long. Bears blitz, so of course Garcia hits Hearst for a TD. Their Heroes, 10-0. Bears being outgained by, I don’t know, 100 yards. But it’s early.
CUBS: Groundout, ballgame, sweep. And a piece of first just like the last three days, but Houston hasn’t kicked off in San Diego.
SOX: Paul Konerko slams a two-run shot. Your Heroes, 7-3. Konerko for Comeback Player of the Half-Year.
BEARS: Interception by Mike Brown. Niners must hate this guy. But if they get to play against the rest of the Bears, they’ll take it.
BEARS: Stewart rolls out, finds Desmond Clark for a TD. Hey, look! A Bears receiver hit in stride! Their Heroes, 10-7.
SOX: Tom Gordon fans Coco Crisp. Ballgame, sweep, still in first place.
BEARS: Niners finally punt. Bobby Wade fumbles at the 5. This is why he was drafted?
BEARS: Quarterback draw. The Bears can’t bring down the guy. A guy with herniated disks. Their Heroes, 17-7.
BEARS: Brad Maynard’s punt is blocked. Is there a mercy rule for special teams?
BEARS: Garcia to Streets on a crossing pattern. No one is near him, until the end zone anyway. Their Heroes, 23-7.
BEARS: A-Train and Adrian Peterson split time in not establishing a ground game.
BEARS: Stewart picked by Ahmed Plummer, who goes 68 yards for a TD. Their Heroes, 30-7. Can a coach be fired at halftime?
BEARS: How about an offensive coordinator? Special teams coach? GM?
BEARS: Stewart is intercepted again. Their Heroes 33-7. Halftime, mercifully. Game, definitely. Season, probably.
CUBS: Astros lose. The Cubs are in sole possession of first. Both Chicago teams will wake up Monday morning in first. Big news. And nobody’s happier than Kordell McNown.
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srosenbloom@tribune.com
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