Dear Amy: I need your advice on whether I handled a problem correctly.
My husband and I recently took our children to see the circus. The tickets were quite costly, but we were excited because the seats were close to the arena.
When we arrived, we found that a couple and their children were in our seats. We politely asked them to check their tickets to see if they had made a mistake. They glared at us and refused to check their tickets.
In order not to cause a scene, we took other seats, just to the side of them. I then realized why they took our seats. There was an extremely tall man who blocked our view. I kept my mouth shut — but I was steamed.
When my son got fidgety, the man shot us dirty looks. As soon as the show was over, they got up to leave. I checked their seat numbers and sure enough, they had taken our seats!
In order to keep the peace, I kept silent. The kids had a great time. I, on the other hand, was quite angry. How would you have handled it?
— Angry in Rosemont
Dear Angry: Please leave me out of it — I have an awful fear of clowns that I’d rather not talk about.
When you walked into the arena, did you notice some people lingering near the entrance, perhaps wearing uniforms of some sort and maybe carrying flashlights?
They’re known as the ushers, and it is their job to keep peace in the arena by making sure everyone is seated in their proper seats.
I know it’s so more interesting to keep silent, stay angry and absorb the glares of the person who took your seat, but I have one question for you: When you think back to that day at the circus, what do you remember? Was your silence worth it?
The next time you find yourself in a similar situation, do not get into a dispute, or even a conversation, with the people next to you. Ask an usher to help sort out the confusion. Failing that, bring on the clowns with the buckets of confetti.
Dear Amy: I recently purchased my first home, and my boyfriend of one year and I have decided to live together. I wish to tell each of my divorced parents of the good news, but I am afraid of their reaction as they are both old-fashioned.
My mother and stepfather visit several times a year, and I do not want them to be uncomfortable, but at the same time I want to be honest with them and take my boyfriend’s feelings into consideration.
Help! I feel like I am a teenager again and want to make everyone happy; meanwhile I am stressing myself out.
— Amy from South Carolina
Dear Amy: One thing parents sometimes do when they divorce is to turn their offspring into “super-pleasers” — people who worry so much about whether their parents are happy, fulfilled and satisfied. Of course, this situation could trouble even married parents, but your job is doubled here since you have to bring your case to your folks separately.
I think it’s possible to respect your parents and their values while maintaining that your choices are right for you. But you can’t do that if you’re hustling your boyfriend out the back door whenever your folks pull into the driveway. While that makes for a great plot for a sitcom, it seldom works in real life.
You might have the best luck if you just share your joy and leave your nervousness and assumptions behind, along with your former life. Let your folks know how excited you are and how much you and boyfriend look forward to entertaining them in your new home!! See the exclamation points? Use them!
Don’t broadcast any hesitation, invite them over, and show them your home (and your guy) with great enthusiasm.
If your parents have issues with your lifestyle, let them bring their concerns to you on their own accord. Otherwise, please assume that they’re happy that you’re happy. You respect your folks by loving them well and they could surprise you by realizing that and accepting your choices because they respect you in return.
Dear Amy: I have a friend who is great for me, but he is still hooked up on his ex.
How should I get his attention?
— Katie
Dear Katie: You can’t “get” his attention. He has to “give” it. Freely. But that means you get to give your attention too. You can do that by telling him you like his shirt or the answer he gave in history class. But mainly your job here is to be dazzling in your own right — not to get his attention but because that’s just the way you are.
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Ask Amy appears Mondays through Fridays in Tempo, Saturdays in the Weekend section and Sundays in Q. Readers may send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Previous Ask Amy columns are available at Amy Dickinson’s Web site, Chicagotribune.com/amy.
