On Valentine’s Day we naturally turn to matters of the heart. But I’m thinking more parent love than boy-girl love.
A few years ago I was watching a TV drama in which the last scene had a proud mother and father waving their child goodbye as the newlyweds drove off in a joyfully decorated wedding car. The parents looked at each other and whispered, “Mission accomplished.”
Not quite.
Before I was a parent, I might have bought that charming bit of self deception. Three children later, I see through its innocent yet delusional premise. Bringing a child into the world is an exciting but lifelong commitment.
So as we wax sentimental in this Valentine season, we need a reality check. Parenting is more than a Hallmark card. If raising kids was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called “labor.”
It’s the toughest job in the world because it involves another human life. But there’s no training guide.
Once we’ve admitted to ourselves that parenting is a glorious but incredibly complex mission, then perhaps we can stop feeling guilty that we’ve been doing such a lousy job. Everyone does at one time or another. The problem is that parents and kids are coming from very different points in life.
So, yes, let’s give each other Valentine cards. It’s a gentle tradition in a world filled with too much swagger.
But in the case of parents, there’s something else we can give our children: roots and wings. Roots so they can feel embedded in a spiritual and familial sense of security. Wings so they can feel free to explore and cross new frontiers.
Happy Valentine’s Day, kids.
