The perfect NCAA bracket has never been seen by a human, or even Dick Vitale. It is as elusive as Bigfoot and as mysterious as the Loch Ness Monster. But the perfect bracket agreed to a phone interview with RedEye from somewhere in the continental United States (but not East Rutherford, N.J.).
Some don’t believe you exist. What do you say to these people?
I say, “Don’t take Central Florida over Pittsburgh.” Seriously, I do exist, but to my knowledge nobody has ever seen me.
Nobody?
Nobody. And no one has ever been close. Do you realize how difficult it is to pick all those games right in six straight rounds? It’ll never be done, not by humans anyway.
What are the odds of finding you?
On Sunday’s, sometimes I go to Denny’s. But beyond that, the chance of landing me is about 1 in 100 billion.
What you’re saying is …
I’m a big fan of the Grand Slam, but sometimes I’ll go with Moons Over My Hammy.
So do you influence the outcome of the games?
See, that’s what my friends think but, no, it doesn’t work that way. It’s hard to explain, but I just know, it just comes to me.
Wait a second, you have friends? I thought you’ve never been seen?
I instant message a lot with Fantasy Baseball and Little Lotto.
OK, fine. So I’ve got Oklahoma State over Stanford in the final. Thoughts?
Not even close.
