By now, you’ve been making resolutions long enough to know that you’re not going to get through 2005 without breaking most of them. The important thing is that you not beat yourself up about it. In fact, you might as well fully indulge–“go big or stay home” as they say–when it comes to blowing off these promises to yourself. With that in mind, here are some of the best (and worst) ways to keep your 2005 resolutions.
Make `em
KEEP THAT HEALTHY EATING RESOLUTION: A meal at long-standing Soul Vegetarian East is about more than just filling up. Run by African Hebrew Israelites, the friendly-but-chilled mood at this storefront eatery definitely puts the soul in vegan soul food. 205 E. 75th St., 773-224-0104.
CURB EXCESSIVE DRINKING: The real piece of work at the Museum of Contemporary Art’s popular First Fridays (the next is Jan. 7), is the “cash bar.” Thirsty attendees must buy drink tickets for $4-$6 cups of swill that you can’t even bring near the art. Why bother to imbibe? 220 E. Chicago Ave., 312-280-2660.
ESCAPE THE CULT OF CELEBRITY GOSSIP: You’ve switched off the TV, but the ultimate test is still checkout line temptations such as Us Weekly. So head to Trader Joe’s, that hip, low-priced grocery chain where there are no gossip rags to be found. 3745 N. Lincoln Ave. (and other locations) 773-248-4920.
DUST OFF THAT OLD PIANO/VIOLIN/VOICEBOX: Two locations (South Loop and South Shore) make taking music lessons at the venerable Sherwood Conservatory of Music that much easier. Whether it’s group or private lessons, gospel, guitar or saxophone, you’re on the road to getting re-acquainted with your inner musician. 1312 S. Michigan Ave., 312-427-6267, www.sherwoodmusic.org.
VOLUNTEER TO HELP OTHERS: After just a two-day workshop, volunteers for Literacy Chicago can start making a difference in an adult reader’s life–whether it’s prepping for the GED, learning English as a second language or improving the skills so many of us take for granted. 70 E. Lake St., Suite 1500, 312-870-1100, www.literacychicago.org.
LIVE MORE SIMPLY: All those credit card bills–they’re just an illusion. Well, okay, they’re not–but the unchecked consumerism that spawned them is. For now on, you’re going to Be–not Buy–and the blissed-out folks at Vajrayana Buddhist Center can get you on the road to meditating with weekly classes in Oak Park and throughout Chicagoland. Tonight, there’s even an alcohol-free New Year’s Eve party (7-9 p.m.). 13 Harrison St., Oak Park, 708-763-0132.
BE A BETTER TIPPER: They unclog the toilets, and dispense advice, towels and breath mints. Bathroom attendants might inspire discomfort in some, but tipping them big-time is an easy way to make their night. Men ought to do right by Moda’s Jerry Phillips, whose toilette boasts nearly 100 colognes (25 W. Hubbard St., 312-670-2200). Ladies should take care of the Service First attendants at Zentra (923 W. Weed St., 312-787-0400).
STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK: Movie-oke might be to this decade what improv was to the 1990s: that thing you make your friends sit through and be supportive while you fail proudly. Lake View bar Deja Vu recently imported this New York City fad in which patrons stand before a crowd karaoke-style and deliver their favorite movie scenes. 2624 N. Lincoln Ave., 773-871-0205.
FOR THE AREA’S SUSHI RESTAURANTS: Resolve to offer more sashimi dishes, fewer maki rolls. I don’t want to eat a pound of rice just to sample all those different fish dishes. And can we have some sampler plates with something other than tuna-salmon-snapper, the Holy Trinity of unimaginative assortments?
FOR RESTAURANTS WITH BARS: Resolve to permit bar tabs to carry over into the dining room. It’s bad enough being sent to the bar because my table isn’t ready. When the hostess finally calls my name, must I suffer the indignity of being forced to “settle the bar tab” like I’m some sort of security risk? I know the bartender is afraid of losing his tip, but there’s got to be away to keep him happy without inconveniencing your customers.
FOR ALL RESTAURANTS THAT SERVE ICED TEA: Resolve to purchase some iced tea spoons. You’re off the hook if you serve iced tea in a short glass.
GET SERIOUS ABOUT HOLIDAY FLAB: All that champagne, eggnog and Christmas cookies went straight to your hips, didn’t it? That’s no reason to leave it there with an Equinox Fitness Club at 900 N. Michigan Avenue. There’s a lap pool, spinning room, cardio step and power Pilates classes. And to work out those last bits of holiday stress, there are massages.
REDUCE STRESS, THE EASY WAY: Commune with nature at the Morton Arboretum in Lisle, and you don’t even have to get out of your car. The popular east side route takes you past marshes and innumerable stands of trees (pretty even in winter), and the less-traveled west side route is equally picturesque. On Illinois Highway 53, Lisle; www.mortonarb.org.
REDUCE STRESS, THE HEALTHY WAY: Sure, Fullersburg Woods in Oak Brook is pretty in the summer. But its prime season is winter, when the snow-covered trails along Salt Creek take on a true winter wonderland glow. And the 2 1/2 mile trail is easily doable, on foot or on skis. On Spring Road in Oak Brook between York Road and 31st Street; 630-850-8110.
KEEP THAT FAMILY BONDING RESOLUTION: If you were to analyze the words to some nursery rhymes and classic children’s stories that families have been reading for generations, you’d call the authorities on yourself. Alphabet Soup Productions, Inc. presents “Rumplestiltskin,” the story of a devious gargoyle who calls a father’s bluff when he proclaims his daughter can spin straw into gold. “Rumplestiltskin,” Phillip Lynch Theatre, Lewis University, Illinois Highway 53, Romeoville; 630-932-1555.
WATCH LESS TV: How about visiting Myopic Books, which not only carries mountains of used books (fiction and non), but is built like a maze, so you’re likely to get separated from your bookstore buddy and actually be forced to read something until the clerk rescues you. 1468 N. Milwaukee Ave., 773-862-4882.
Break `em
LOSE THAT HEALTHY EATING RESOLUTION: Tsssssss! Ruth’s Chris Steak House’s sizzling-butter garnish may be little more than a gimmick, but it makes for a grand gesture of dietary defiance. Don’t forget to chase it down with cheesecake. 431 N. Dearborn St., 312-321-2725.
WHO NEEDS TO CURB EXCESSIVE DRINKING: No self-respecting Jimmy Buffett fan can see the ParrotHead Band (a Buffett tribute band) and not be tempted to top it all off with a Margarita or three. Jan. 13, 9 p.m. Joe’s Bar, 940 W. Weed St., 312-337-3486.
WORST WAY TO ESCAPE THE CULT OFCELEBRITY GOSSIP: In “Verbatim Verboten,” actors recite the secretly recorded phone conversations of the powerful and famous, Prince Charles–with hilarious and some-times poetic results. Royal George Theatre, 1641 N. Halsted St., 312-988-9000.
WORST WAY TO KEEP THAT MUSIC LESSONS RESOLU-TION: They’re half your age and five times as talent-ed. Could there be anything more discouraging than watching the teens of the Chicago Youth Symphony Orchestra tear through Schubert and Tchaikovsky with the Chicago Sinfonietta at two upcoming Martin Luther King Day concerts? 2:30 p.m. Jan. 16 at Dominican University, 7900 W. Division St., River Forest, and 7:30 p.m. Jan. 17, Orchestra Hall, 220 S. Michigan Ave. For tickets and information, call 312-236-3681, ext. 12.
HELP OTHERS? WHY?: It’s a shame to take good skin for granted, right? So indulge in a holiday treatment package at Asha ColourSpa. Think of it as trickle down volunteer work; you can’t help others without helping yourself first 1808 N. Damen Ave., 773-292-1100.
WHO NEEDS SIMPLICITY?: Pimp that ride! If you want it lower, louder and flashier, the folks at Drivers Image and their associates can outfit your car with all the bling that a Honda or Subaru can endure. 8242 N. McCormick Blvd., Skokie, 847-568-5555.
TIPS? YEAH, RIGHT: There’s something about a DIY stir-fry buffet that makes tipping the waitstaff feel like a scam. At Flat Top Grill, they bring your drinks and apps and finished products, but you’re still doing all the prep-work yourself. So why tip? 1000 W. Washington Blvd., 312-829-4800 (and other locations around town).
WORST PLACE TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK: Fiona Tan’s “Correction” is a discomfort-inducing video installation that seats the viewer in the middle of a round of video screens, from which real-life prison inmates and guards glare. Or stare. Or blink. What is it they’re looking at, when they seem to be looking at us? Museum of Contemporary Art, 220 E. Chicago Ave., 312-280-2660.
GET SERIOUS ABOUT HOLIDAY FLAB . . . NOT: Scoot along Michigan Avenue, averting your eyes from the shapely forms in the Victoria’s Secret windows, and hit Ghiradelli Chocolate Shop & Soda Fountain. For about $6.25, you can spoon into their world-famous sundae. And if ice cream seems unseasonal, step next door for Bistro 110’s cassoulet Toulousian, a soul-soothing, chill-chasing stew of duck confit, garlic sausage, lamb and white beans.
HELP WESTERN SPRINGS BREAK ITS TEMPERANCE RESOLUTION: Dine at Vie, a lovely, upscale place and the first restaurant since Prohibition to serve alcohol. 4471 Lawn Ave., Western Springs; 708-246-2082.
BREAK YOUR NO-CARB RESOLUTION, THE MOVIES VERSION: Get a tub of fresh-popped popcorn at the Tivoli in Downers Grove. 5021 Highland Ave., Downers Grove; 630-968-0219.
BREAK THAT NO-CURSING RESOLUTION: Damn, it’s just a sandwich, you try to tell yourself as you contemplate the variety of breads, meats, cheeses and condiments on City Food’s menu and then watch as your sandwich is prepared to your specifications. Move on down the line before making your drink request: “I’ll have the Big Ass pop with that.” City Food, 400 N. State St.; 312-755-1071.
BREAK THAT FAMILY BONDING RESOLUTION: When your 5-year-old is trying to find anything and everything that’s not a toy to tear apart, and your infant only wants to sleep during the day (while you are at work), pH Productions’ “pHamily” puts it all in perspective. The improv troupe creates a family, most likely dysfunctional, live on stage based on suggestions from the audience. “pHamily,” Stage Left Theatre, 3408 N. Sheffield Ave.; 773-342-3575.
WATCH MORE TV: Why read when there are actors in a little box? Stop by Wrigleyville’s Casey Moran’s Tavern on Clark Street, which boasts 26 HDTV flat screens, one of which should–even with your discriminating taste–broadcast something you’ll want to watch. 3660 N. Clark St., 773-755-4444.
FIE ON FISCAL RESTRAINT: ATM giving you the cold shoulder? Then it’s back to the cycle of denial. Wake up little VISA, we’re going out! On Oak Street, Barney’s, Prada and Hermes will be happy to charge you for goods you can’t afford, steak can be yours for (what seems like) free at Gibson’s (1028 N. Rush St., 312-266-8999) and even the Esquire Theater (58 E. Oak St., 312-280-0101) and its concession stand accepts plastic. Don’t worry, you’ll pay it off.
BREAK THAT SMOKING RESOLUTION: You’re weak. But you want to hear music, which is fine, but know that if you go the Empty Bottle (1035 N. Western Ave; 773-276-3600), you are doomed. Even the second-hand smoke is enough to make anyone a smoker. If you’re jonesing for a puff of your very own … sorry, but you’re doomed.
