TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: The NHL season is officially dead. What happens next?
TOPIC 2: Does Five on Five have a hard salary cap?
TOPIC 3: Lance Armstrong will race in the Tour de France. What are the implications?
TOPIC 4: Jeff Garcia, Drew Bledsoe, Kurt Warner are available. Could they help the Bears?
TOPIC 5: The prospective Vikings owner issued a revised bio. Tell the world one fake thing on your resume.
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Cremation, followed by poorly attended memorial service.
Must be. All I’ve received so far are two soft-shell tacos and a used beer.
I’m glad he announced now. I can start not caring sooner.
Over-the-hill retread quarterbacks? Hell, yeah. And that’s sad.
My middle name isn’t really “Studmuffin.”
PHIL THOMPSON
It’s time for them to get together, do each other’s hair, watch “Beaches” and have a good cry.
Yes we do. Leo, you are now eligible for unrestricted free homelessness.
I’m sure his rivals will make plenty of “implications” when he wins his seventh in a row.
Drew Bledsoe would be a great backup QB. Jeff Garcia would be a great backup mascot.
LEO EBERSOLE
I’m not really black, I’m Cablinasian.
We hire out the Blackhawks and put on “Dodgeball: The Musical, On Ice.”
Are you coming on to me?
With a win, his greatness eclipses even that of Jordan’s, in my
opinion.
That depends. Do the Bears need to staff their taco stands?
“Oscar-nominated star of ‘A Beautiful Mind.'”
WHIZZER
Chris Chelios runs out of excuses not to join my book club. Next up: “Anna Karenina.”
No, but it’s in my deal that I get twice whatever Leo makes.
We’re going to see a lot more of Sheryl Crow. Hubba, hubba.
Yes. That’s three more season ticket packages sold. Sales are booming!
I once served as prime minister of Belgium.
BAG BOY
I collect all of my jerseys and burn them in the front yard.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whizzer gets paid for this?
I’m delaying the launch of my brown wristbands that read, “BORN TO LOSE.”
Do any of them play offensive tackle? I don’t think so.
The Cubs’ most recent World Series win? I played third base.
