Ann Cambronne thought Evite would be the best way to plan her 19th birthday party. The online invitation service, she assumed, would make it easy to invite 200 of her closest friends to a bash at a Manhattan club.
But things didn’t go as planned.
Because of an electronic glitch, most of the would-be guests were given the wrong date or never received their invites. In the end, only 20 people showed up, and others felt snubbed. Worse, Cambronne lost a good friend, a promoter for the club whose job depended on a successful party.
“I think my mother’s quite right when she says it’s time to stick to plain stationery,” Cambronne said.
Millions of young urbanites across the country use Evite to organize their social lives. Users like Cambronne are discovering the challenges and benefits of cybersocializing. Enter the manners mavens, who say users would be well-served not to forget old-school manners.
“I always tell people right up front, with computers, remember it might be a computer, but it’s also a person there,” said Peggy Post, the great-granddaughter of etiquette queen Emily Post and author of the 17th edition of “Emily Post’s Etiquette.”
“An invitation is really special,” she said.
Post shudders at the Byzantine process of accessing and responding to Evites, which can alienate more traditional partygoers who would prefer a quick e-mail or telephone call.
Post has big problems with invitees being able to reply with a “maybe,” which she views as bad form. “I would advise that it be removed,” she said.
Another potential source of discomfort involves the short messages that Evite encourages potential guests to write. In most cases, all invitees can view others’ replies. Post thinks it’s tacky to put the whole e-mail list up and suggests that hosts give guests the option to reply by phone or private e-mail.
Some recipients gripe that, unlike traditional paper invitations, Evites are sent to accounts that can be viewed at work. This potentially exposes party plans to colleagues who weren’t invited or alerts them to one’s private life.
Holly Huffman, 25, an analyst for a New York investment bank, receives electronic invitations at least once a week but is afraid to open them on the job.
“They freaking explode on your screen, and all you want to do is look and see where the stupid party is,” she said
But Evite devotee Simon Brandler, 25, of Manhattan appreciates that he can reach hundreds of people at one time. Brandler said he doesn’t need RSVP’s when planning a social mixer.
“There’s no reason I need to know exactly who’s going to show up for a bar outing,” he said. “And in NYC, asking people to commit to anything more than 10 minutes in advance is a challenge.”
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Edited by Cara DiPasquale (cdipasquale@tribune.com) and Drew Sottardi (dsottardi@tribune.com)
