True story: The evening of my wedding was absolutely, uniquely beautiful, a whirlwind of handwritten vows, fuchsia and mango roses, the most badly flubbed best-man speech ever and a bridesmaid’s blood being shed on white silk as she tried to safety-pin my busted bustle.
The gift-giving was extremely generous and abundant. But there is one present my husband and I will never forget.
At the end of the night, as he painstakingly unbuttoned his way down the spine of my gown, my dress fell to the floor to reveal . . . a blue envelope stuck to my torso with sweat left over from hours of dancing.
It must have been handed to me and, in the flurry of activity, I shoved it down there for safekeeping. That was our favorite gift, if nothing else than for the story. But one thing’s for sure: Neither of us will ever forget the check that came with the bride on our wedding night.
As wedding season nears full tilt, Q surveyed married men and women, from newlyweds to those with grand-children, to ask them about the best and worst wedding gifts they received.
We’re lifting the veil on gifts
Wondering how the bride liked that frog plate you sent? Or perhaps you lovingly wrapped and mailed serpents twining around black candlesticks. Leslie Goldman reports on recipients’ reactions.
The good
Two tickets to a U2 concert along with a generous Lettuce Entertain You gift card. Very original and unexpected.
–Emily Walker, 28, of Chicago, married March 18, 2005
Money is the best–forever. Cold, hard cash. And lots of it.
–Anne Triozzi, 49, of Hawthorn Woods, married May 5, 1979
For me, the best was a pocket watch my wife gave me for a present for our wedding. It wasn’t very fancy or expensive, but I had always wanted one since sitting on my grandfather’s lap as a kid and playing with his. After he passed away my mom got the watch and I would sneak into her drawer and wind it to just listen to it tick and remember my grandfather.
–David Baratka, 33, of Chicago, married Jan. 22, 2005
My husband, Brad, and I got married in November, and the best gifts we received were matching iPod minis. Our groomsmen chipped in and got us a pair (one blue and one pink). We loved them as they proved to be very useful for our long flight to Hawaii!
–Lea Armstrong, 22, of Los Angeles, married Nov. 11, 2004
We came back from the Canadian Rockies at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning. We had been hiking three weeks, I think, and Mother and my father-in-law were at the gate to greet us–that was back in the days when people could meet you at the gate. It was a terrific welcome home and a total surprise.
–Dick Rosenberg, 71, of Winnetka, married Aug. 2, 1958
The best intangible gift we received were the blessings of friends and family. My father passed away about five years earlier, and it was a very difficult day for my mother, not having my father there, but also to see her youngest of three daughters getting married! We had an outdoor wedding during a hurricane, so there were about three tables that were left empty due to treacherous travel conditions. You want everyone to be there, but it is truly about the wishes and spirit of those who could not be present, that you know are with you on that special day and always.
–Lina Patel-Parekn, 30, of Chicago, married Sept. 4, 1999
The best gift was having friends and family come into South Bend in the middle of February, trekking through snow and cold.
–Kate Phair, 27, of Chicago, married Feb. 21, 2004
The best was a case of red wine from Chile, where my husband and I honeymooned. Not on the registry but very, very thoughtful!
–Meryl Weinsaft Cooper, 35, of New York, married Dec. 31, 2004
The three checks that came after the honeymoon! So after the initial splurge of cash, we still had some to open. It was like a little bonus.
–Jody Padar, 33, of Prospect Heights, married Feb. 8, 1997
My favorite gift was from a friend who had framed the front and inside of my wedding invite. The frame matched the motif of the invite. It’s still on my mantel three years later. It made me cry when I opened it!
–Carlise Newman, 34, of Chicago, married May 11, 2002
The best wedding gift we received was also the worst gift: It was a crystal Steuben bowl, which is extremely beautiful. But in 40-plus years, I used it only once and was so nervous that it would break that I never used it again. So it just sits there in the china cabinet looking pretty.
–Judy Wolfberg, 61, of Buffalo Grove, married July 2, 1964 (Addendum: Wolfberg has since remarried, adding, “The bowl lasted longer than the marriage.”)
Our favorite gift was a barbecue–this was in the era before Weber grills. We used that thing until it literally fell apart.
–Patricia and Howard Kerr, 62 and 69, respectively, of Lake Forest, married Dec. 19, 1964
The bad
The worst was this $20 cheap alarm clock from my supposed best friend . . . and it was right after their wedding and I had given them a really nice gift.”
–Greg Hunt, 46, of Chicago, married May 25, 1991
We got four coffeemakers –and we don’t drink coffee. I still have one under the stairs in our crawlspace. You know, in case we have another wedding to go to, hey, we have a coffeemaker to give them . . . as long as they like coffee.
–Vince Vasquez, 39, of Romeoville, married Jan. 13, 1990
A pair of plastic salad tongs from Marshall Field’s. They were beautifully boxed and it took a minute for me to realize that they were not silver or even silver-plated but painted silver (the paint was chipping so the plastic showed through). To make matters worse, I returned them to Marshall Field’s only to find that they had been clearanced out at 97 cents! Clearly the wrapping cost more than the gift!
–Heidi Anderson, 35, of Glenview, married Oct. 10, 1998
A metal sculpture indicating the date of our wedding. At 4 a.m. the night of our wedding my husband and I opened it up and could not figure out what it was … we had it upside down, sideways, etc. Finally, I said “Oh, my God, it’s the date of our wedding.” It now rests on one of the rafters in our basement.
–Carla Mancuso, 30, of Rochester, N.Y., married Sept. 30, 2000
It was the ugliest chafing dish on the planet. It was avocado green. We moved a lot in those days and once, it just never arrived at the next house–wink, wink.
–Patricia and Howard Kerr
A Crock Pot. Here’s the catch, it was 220-volt, meant for the U.K., not the U.S. It didn’t have a card on it, or it got lost in transportation, but who would buy us a Crock Pot that won’t even work in the U.S.? Three years later, we sold it in a garage sale for $10.
–Robyn and Kraig Eckard, 31 and 33, respectively, Los Angeles, married July 1, 2002
A random frog plate. But it was from a girlfriend who was close, and I knew she spent a lot of money. I don’t collect frogs, I don’t like frogs, but I couldn’t return it because she came over a lot.
–Jody Padar
The worst was the one my niece said she “forgot” in the closet back home.
–Louis Mantis, 48, of Chicago, married Oct. 5, 2002
. . . and the ugly
Black candlesticks that had serpents wrapped around them. The serpents had red eyes . . . [and were bought] on one of their trips abroad. I’m guessing Turkey.
–Barbara Cashion, 35, of Evanston, married Nov. 19, 1994
We received a salt-and-pepper shaker set . . . that looked like a set of a woman’s breasts, and while that might have worked for my husband, it wasn’t something I was real comfortable with. I left them in the laundry room of our apartment building, and they were actually gone really fast.
–Leslie Levine, 46, of Northbrook, married Oct. 29, 1983
A wooden figurine of a bride and groom embracing, [it] looks like it was whittled out of wood because of the cut marks. The figures have no faces; he is dressed in a suit and the bride is dressed in a white gown. The gift is now at my in-laws’ house and gets moved around the house by my brother-in-law, placed in different areas as a joke.
–Sara Giannoulias, 28, of Chicago, married May 8, 2004
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Saying ‘thanks’ when you don’t really mean it
Even snake-encircled candlesticks deserve a proper thank-you note, but wedding etiquette expert Leah Ingram of New Hope, Pa., said writing needn’t be a source of stress.
“Even if you really hate the gift, you have to follow proper protocol and follow through with a handwritten note–no e-mail,” she said.
Some tips:
– Begin with a salutation, then a generic line such as, “Thank you for remembering us on our wedding day with your gift.” This way, you’re mentioning the occasion but not the hideous present.
– Next, acknowledge the gift by “painting around it.” Some examples from Ingram: “Your gift left us speechless” or “We’ve never seen anything like these candlesticks.” Thus, she said, you are being proper without lying.
– Last, rethank the gift-giver and close the note. Then hit eBay.
Cash always fits and goes with all decors
Don’t equate cash with crass when it comes to a wedding gift.
“There are worse things to complain about than a cash gift,” said Chicago-based professional bridal consultant Dewi Berger-Klava of K Detailed Events. And although some people may deem it uncouth, many couples love the freedom afforded by an envelope full of money.
On the big day, cash should be given in a card to the groom,who has pockets, during a personal congratulatory moment, Berger-Klava suggested. The guest should indicate the card contains money.
Some brides are starting to carry “card purses,” so guests can deliver cards to them, or an entrusted holder.
Still, Berger-Klava pointed out, there is a downside to cash: Stolen checks can be canceled; cash cannot.
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q@tribune.com
