This is the final month of Five on Five–in 2005, that is. This does not, however, mean we become Six on Six in 2006. E-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
TOPIC 1: Describe how the Bears won Sunday.
Leo Ebersole: It was a combination of smash-mouth offense and dominant defense. I call it “smominance.”
Phillip Thompson: They jumped on Brett Favre and rode him like a rented mule. Kind of like how most dates treat me.
Evil Super Computer: Nineteen trumps 7. Love the easy number questions.
Whizzer: Two parts heart, two parts defense and just a pinch of offense.
Bag Boy: How about “in front of 58,489 of my closest friends,” eh? Peace, out.
TOPIC 2: Pick Sunday’s biggest shocker in the NFL.
Leo Ebersole: A Dick Jauron-coached team failed to score 20 points? Get out of here.
Phillip Thompson: The Patriots look like last year’s Bears, and the Bears look like last year’s Patriots.
Evil Super Computer: That’s not a numbers question. THESE QUERIES ARE RIGGED!
Whizzer: The Lions proved they could lose without Steve Mariucci. So it is possible.
Bag Boy: The NFL didn’t just hand Chicago the Lombardi Trophy.
TOPIC 3: Why did Rafael Furcal choose L.A. over the Cubs?
Leo Ebersole: I honestly don’t know. It couldn’t be the weather, right? Pass me the welding torch.
Phillip Thompson: Well, L.A. has … it has great … why do people go to L.A.?
Evil Super Computer: Oooh, another number question: $39 million over 3 years. Yes!
Whizzer: He figures if Rob Schneider can get a movie deal, he can too.
Bag Boy: Easy. He’s clearly a Packers fan.
TOPIC 4: What would keep USC’s Reggie Bush from going pro?
Leo Ebersole: There are actually five reasons: the Houston Texans’ offensive line.
Phillip Thompson: Being drafted by the ‘Skins. Going around D.C. with the name “Bush” would be unbearable.
Evil Super Computer: Not enough projected zeroes. NUMBERS RULE!
Whizzer: A really, really, really convincing pitch from the Peace Corps.
Bag Boy: These words: “The 49ers have the first pick in the NFL Draft.”
TOPIC 5: Explain why you’re a fine candidate to coach Real Madrid.
Leo Ebersole: I did wonders for Fake Madrid, and can’t see why this would be any different.
Phillip Thompson: It should be obvious, fool. I keeps it Real.
Evil Super Computer: Doesn’t matter. I hacked into their network and have an interview Tuesday.
Whizzer: I get my hair done at the same place David Beckham gets his done.
Bag Boy: Because when fans boo me in Spanish, I can honestly say I don’t understand them.
