TODAY’S QUESTIONS
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Whizzer
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: the Red Sox have named 2 “co-GMs.” Downfalls, upsides? Explain.
When making trades, they can now throw in a “co-GM to be named later.”
Downside: Doubles the expectations. Upside: Can celebrate trades with the Kid ‘N Play kick step.
Upside: Even if one goes on vacation, the other is available to overpay for starting pitching.
Both fellows must share the same office, desk, telephone and necktie.
They both mistakenly wear their “I’m with Stupid” T-shirts on the same day. Hilarity ensues.
TOPIC 2: Ron Artest wants to be traded, Pacers say they’ll trade him. What’s the catch?
In order to get fair compensation, the Pacers will need to deal for an equally insane player.
Artest wants to be traded back to his home planet, Stupiter.
None of the interested teams knows how to use somebody who can play defense.
He’ll be traded to the Peoria Rivermen of the AHL.
It’s to Detroit.
TOPIC 3: Any implications oF Pat Riley returning as coach of the Miami Heat?
Citing health concerns, his hair is refusing to work road games.
With rising oil prices, how is he going to keep up that hairstyle for a whole season?
Can’t wait for the “Zoolander”-style walk-off between him and Phil Jackson on Christmas.
I feel very foolish about my “Van Gundy Forever” tattoo.
For at least a week, he’ll keep calling for “Magic” to dump it into “Kareem.”
TOPIC 4: Can Duke’s 172 straight appearances in the AP Top 25 poll be compared to anything?
Leo’s 34 straight appearances at Hilary Duff concerts.
172 weeks of hearing Dick Vitale go on about Cameron Crazies. They’re not crazy; they’re sanity-challenged.
Steve Harvey’s unprecedented run of bad TV shows.
My streak of appearances next to Bag Boy here. I stopped counting at “This’ll never end.”
Smaller school, big conference. How long has Northwestern not been ranked?
TOPIC 5: Loyola beat Purdue to go 6-1. Are we in the company of a Cinderella?
Perhaps. But by statute, that word can’t be used in relation to college basketball until March.
Yes, an athletic Cinderella with one very sweaty slipper.
Yes. Phil.
Not just yet, but for fun let’s dress the Gentile Center up like a pumpkin.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Handle Lake Forest on Dec. 17, then we’ll talk.
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