Chicagosports.com’s Adam Caldarelli joins us every Thursday, and in exchange, the rest of us automatically forward him all of our spam. Stay in touch with us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
TOPIC 1: BEST THING ABOUT BEING NAMED TO THE PRO BOWL IS …
Jimmy Greenfield: … receiving a lifetime pass to the Pro Bowlers Tour.
Phillip Thompson: … you never have to say, “You’re sorry.” Well, except to the teammates who didn’t make it.
Leo Ebersole: … partying with Chad Johnson and the 77-piece orchestra he hired for his next TD celebration.
Adam Caldarelli: … the “Fun with Firearms” BBQ at Olin Kreutz’s house.
Bag Boy: … great food, pretty people and nobody follows the score. It’s like Wrigley’s bleachers.
TOPIC 2: HOW DOES THE BEARS OFFENSE REACT TO HAVING A CLEAN-SHAVEN FACE IN THE HUDDLE?
Jimmy Greenfield: More face-touching, fewer butt taps.
Phillip Thompson: Now they’re confused about which end to pat after a good play.
Leo Ebersole: They draw three delay of game penalties arguing razors vs. electric shavers.
Adam Caldarelli: Runs three times and then punts.
Bag Boy: They ask for ID before each and every pass attempt of 21 yards or more.
TOPIC 3: YOU’RE JOHNNY DAMON. THE YANKEES SAY, “CUT THE HAIR.” WHAT DO YOU DO?
Jimmy Greenfield: You sign an endorsement deal for “Jerry Garcia Hair Care Products.”
Phillip Thompson: Fire Donald Trump?
Leo Ebersole: Recoil in terror as Jason Giambi, Don Mattingly and Randy Johnson chant “One of us, one of us …”
Adam Caldarelli: For $52 million he’s lucky that’s all they’re asking him to cut off.
Bag Boy: The sign says, “Long-haired freaky people need not apply.” Deal with it.
TOPIC 4: WHAT SPORTS-RELATED WEDDING GIFT CAN WE GET ELTON JOHN?
Jimmy Greenfield: Any kind of ball. Maybe a pair.
Phillip Thompson: The Kentucky Derby winner’s wreath of flowers. Now which one to give it to …
Leo Ebersole: Exfoliating face paint.
Adam Caldarelli: Something from the Fred Smoot catalog.
Bag Boy: An MLS franchise. Take your pick, Sir Elton.
TOPIC 5: AS REGGIE BUSH AUDITIONS POTENTIAL AGENTS, WHAT ONE THING SHOULD HE LOOK FOR?
Jimmy Greenfield: Somebody bald, late 30s, loosely called a “journalist” who is WILLING to take 2 percent.
Phillip Thompson: Next question. I SAID, “NEXT QUESTION!”
Leo Ebersole: The PIN for Texans owner Bob McNair’s bank account.
Adam Caldarelli: An infinitely humble and low-key guy like Drew Rosenhaus.
Bag Boy: One with an uncanny impression of Dr. Evil’s “One BEEEE-LION dollars.”
