Very soon, you will need to find Ed. We say this with some authority because we suspect that under the tree this morning, you found some sort of electronic device or computerized gewgaw that will need to be hooked up and whose instructions must be absorbed before it will work properly. Instruction booklets? Troubleshooting guides? The “help” key? Forget it.
What you will need is Ed.
Who is Ed? Well, we can’t exactly tell you that. His identity changes from company to company. Suffice to say that finding Ed–or someone like Ed–is not easy, nor is it meant to be.
What’s almost certain is that before you can find Ed, you must venture into the heart of darkness known as customer service.
Perhaps your journey will start as ours did, when the VCR was ditched for a digital video recorder. The tech writers rhapsodized about it. And for the first few days, they were right. It changes your life! No more messing with tapes and setting timers. Then, however, the euphoria yields to reality. This recorder, after all, is a box with a lot of circuits and wires and chips and other stuff that, well, is a lot like your computer. Works great most of the time and then sometimes you want to fling it out the window.
So it is that within days the first snags occur. Which prompts the first call to the company. A very polite customer service agent answers. She is programmed to respond to certain problems with prearranged answers of limited help. So while the aggrieved customer rattles on in painful detail about the problems, she is getting one of those thousand-yard stares common to war veterans who’ve seen–and heard–too much.
What’s wrong with this machine? Why won’t it work right all the time? Here’s the unpleasant truth: Many customer service agents don’t know. Most of them, when pressed, will admit they don’t even own one.
Much has been written in recent months about surly customer service agents. But that’s the exception. Most customer service agents are very polite. That’s their job.
Whatever the device, the drill is usually the same. The computer doesn’t work. The newfangled camera is on the blink. Your first impulse is to call the manufacturer. Most times, of course, you can’t find a working phone number in all the material that came with the unit or even on the company’s Web site. If you can, it’s often an elaborate ploy to lure you into phone-mail hell. Or help costs some unbelievable sum per minute.
The store often isn’t much help, either. The clerk who gladly accepted payment says, “No you can’t exchange it for another.” For a fat fee, of course, he’ll send someone out to fix the thing.
But let’s say you’re stubborn. You believe that things can be fixed without high-priced tech support and that customer service agents should be able to help.
The mission is to find someone who can help. Some people get lucky. They don’t need Ed. They have acquired enough knowledge to do minor repairs or they get some rudimentary help from customer service agents and life goes on.
For those who are not lucky, here is our advice: Don’t scream at the agents. Don’t quit.
Beg.
Calmly and patiently explain all of the problems you’ve been having, in fine and excruciating detail. So excruciating, your wife has to leave the room. (She’s heard it all before. In fact, the spouse, by this time, has usually set boundaries so that any conversations about this device cannot last longer than it takes a chipmunk to scamper down a hole in your back yard.)
Then hope the agent takes pity. If so, as in our case with the digital video recorder, she will open the door to Ed.
He’s the “tech guy” who knows all about this stuff. Even though this isn’t standard operating procedure–Ed doesn’t usually take customer calls–she pities highly distressed but polite customers and yields his phone number.
The clouds part when Ed comes on the line. He is very interested in all of the technical problems the box has been exhibiting. He listens, and takes copious notes. He dispenses little-known insider tips that don’t appear in any manual on how to fix glitches. He can’t fix all the problems, but he admits that his box, at home, is experiencing some of the same gremlins. He promises to call with updates.
Here’s the most important thing: He lets a customer know that he or she is not alone.
The lucky customer squirrels Ed’s number away, and uses it only when absolutely necessary. It’s easier to sleep knowing Ed is there. The machine doesn’t work right all the time. But now it doesn’t seem so bad, because Ed is on the case.
