TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: The U.S. men’s curlers made the medal round. How are we celebrating?
Jimmy Greenfield: Same way I always celebrate U.S. men’s curling success: Bourbon and hookers.
Phillip Thompson: Sounds like a good reason to dunk Bob Costas in an icy pond. Any reason’s a good reason.
Leo Ebersole: By gliding an open bar down Michigan Avenue while Phil and Brian sweep. I SAID SWEEP!
Brian Moore: Finding a patch of ice and re-enacting the U.S.’s 9-8 win over Britain with Whizzer serving as the stone.
Bag Boy: No celebrations. We save that for the podium, gentlemen. Seriously. Now get some rest.
TOPIC 2: Invent a Winter Olympics medal for fourth place.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Pyrite medal.
Phillip Thompson: We only deal in gold, right Shani? The time is at hand, brothers. Code Alpha-6-tango! Schnell! Schnell!
Leo Ebersole: The Non-Stick Teflon medal. Never worry about putting your medal in the dishwasher again.
Brian Moore: The Bode Miller medal. Created especially for athletes who really didn’t win anything.
Bag Boy: Fourth place? Easy. “The Phil.”
TOPIC 3: Meanwhile, back in the U.S., is there any baseball news of note out there?
Jimmy Greenfield: Barry Bonds has started the paperwork and will soon adopt Shani Davis.
Phillip Thompson: Looking at the size of Sox closer Bobby Jenks, it looks like he annexed another state.
Leo Ebersole: The Kansas City Royals believe this is their year … to top the 70-win mark.
Brian Moore: The Cubs haven’t lost yet. Have they?
Bag Boy: Jim Thome’s got a tremendous jump on his annual farmer’s tan.
TOPIC 4: Give your new 5-foot-9 NBA dunk champion Nate Robinson a nickname.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Spud Light.”
Phillip Thompson: “The Ele-Nate-or?”
Leo Ebersole: I’m actually disappointed that he won, because I had “The Iguodala Lama” all ready to go.
Brian Moore: “Knick N’ Dunk.”
Bag Boy: “The Knicker Shocker.”
TOPIC 5: Why is Brett Favre taking this long to make a retirement decision?
Jimmy Greenfield: They don’t have phones in Green Bay. News should arrive when the dogs reach Milwaukee.
Phillip Thompson: He sent the message already, but it got intercepted.
Leo Ebersole: After talking with my family and coaches and giving the matter a lot of deep thought … I dunno.
Brian Moore: He still hasn’t gotten a firm idea of his fantasy football value for `06 yet.
Bag Boy: He doesn’t want to be overshadowed by another sports melodrama: Olympic ice dancing.
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