TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: If you were a boxer what would be your nickname?
Jimmy Greenfield: “The Punch Drunkard”
Phillip Thompson: Puff Facey, but you can call me an ambulance.
Leo Ebersole: “Bone Crusher.” No? “Cartilage Crusher?” Oh, all right, “Skin Denter.”
Bag Boy: “Paper Tiger.”
Stick Figure: My name is Stick Figure. Stick. Figure. Now let’s sing along at home …
TOPIC 2: If he were alive, what would George Mason be thinking right now?
Jimmy Greenfield: “I return from the dead for a weekend in Indianapolis? I’ll take the grave.”
Phillip Thompson: I layeth the smackdown on Connecticut, now Ben Franklin oweth me 12 pence!
Leo Ebersole: “I’m totally adding ‘the right to pants Connecticut’ to the Bill of Rights. Roger Sherman is gonna flip.”
Bag Boy: Mr. William Packer, I challenge you … TO A DUEL TO THE DEATH!
Stick Figure: He’s not dead. He’s just sleeping. Shhhh.
TOPIC 3: Describe your level of excitement for Cubs-White Sox spring training games.
Jimmy Greenfield: Same as for a Heather Graham nude scene. I’ll look, but no way I’m watching the whole movie.
Phillip Thompson: I have my crowbar and chains ready. Hey, the fans need to warm up too.
Leo Ebersole: Extremely high. Maybe even higher than Phil’s level of excitement for the next “Gilmore Girls.”
Bag Boy: Can’t waste my time on those. And is Stick here full-time now? He better not get a parking space.
Stick Figure: People wear socks so their shoes don’t stink. But cats and dogs don’t. They don’t wear shoes.
TOPIC 4: Give an appropriate name for the NIT’s Final Four.
Jimmy Greenfield: “Moe, Larry, Curly and Phil.”
Phillip Thompson: “The Second-String Quartet.”
Leo Ebersole: “The Sorority Quad.”
Bag Boy: “Finally *sigh* These Four.”
Stick Figure: I have to tinkle.
TOPIC 5: Why should anybody care if this Bulls team makes the playoffs?
Jimmy Greenfield: Because I can get a playoff media credential and go to “work.”
Phillip Thompson: Tyson Chandler needs the extra practice because of his allergy to off-season workouts.
Leo Ebersole: They could actually give Detroit a tough series. … Pffffffffft!
Bag Boy: Because getting knocked out in the first round is the first step to admitting you have a problem.
Stick Figure: I don’t have to tinkle anymore. When do we get to draw with crayons?
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E-mail them at redeyesports@tribune.com.
