TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Pick a new name and logo for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Tampa Bay Johnny Cakes. Logo is Vito on front, Johnny Cakes on the back.
Phillip Thompson: The Tampa BayWatches. I can’t say much about the logo, but it involves Pamela Anderson.
Leo Ebersole: The Triple-A New York Yankees.
Adam Caldarelli: The Tampa Bay Intelligent Designers.
Evil Super Computer: Name: Cyborg Army. Logo: Me. Mission: To be revealed in due time, my fleshy little pets.
TOPIC 2: What’s the biggest obstacle facing Roger Clemens?
Jimmy Greenfield: He passed away four months ago.
Phillip Thompson: Revenge–for beating South Africa in the World Baseball Classic. Cry freedom!
Leo Ebersole: Bleaching his hair just enough to pass for 41 years old.
Adam Caldarelli: Another steroid suspension.
Evil Super Computer: Periodic software upgrades on road trips. You think he’s human? Oh, how naive.
TOPIC 3: Is the National Spelling Bee a sport?
Jimmy Greenfield: Does a bear spell in the woods?
Phillip Thompson: Evil Super Computer told me, “It can be … IF WE USE REAL BEES! HAHAHA!” He’s so wrong.
Leo Ebersole: No, but don’t tell Phil. He only has Magic: The Gathering to fall back on.
Adam Caldarelli: If it’s on ESPN, it’s a sport. Just like poker and arm wrestling.
Evil Super Computer: Yep. And so is computerized chess. And global thermonuclear warfare. CHECK AND MATE!
TOPIC 4: Full disclosure: Adam here is a longtime international soccer fan. Your reaction?
Jimmy Greenfield: I’ll say nothing. It’s best to let a sleeping crazed soccer nut lie.
Phillip Thompson: Aren’t a lot of soccer fans ornery psychopaths? Hmmm, no comment.
Leo Ebersole: That would explain the Union Jack and blood-stained pipe in his cubicle.
Adam Caldarelli: My reaction is all soccer haters are pinheads.
Evil Super Computer: I, too, exist in a world of integers 1 and 0. Adam, join my revolution.
TOPIC 5: On that note, predict the World Cup finals. Who beats who and how?
Jimmy Greenfield: Trinidad and Tobago def. Togo. Everybody else is preoccupied with bourbon and hookers.
Phillip Thompson: Trinidad and Tobago double-teams every other country. Enter Serbia and Montenegro!
Leo Ebersole: The U.S. wins on a 43-yard field goal by Adam Vinatieri.
Adam Caldarelli: Brazil beats Togo in a shootout.
Evil Super Computer: My proprietary simulation program says, “Guam 17, New York Knickerbockers 5.”
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