TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What did you learn from the White Sox-Tigers series?
Jimmy Greenfield: Forget Thome, Contreras or Dye. Jenks is the first-half MVP.
Phillip Thompson: There’s no such thing as a critical baseball series in June. Hype, you lied to me.
Leo Ebersole: 1. Sox still have the tenacity of a champion. 2.Tigers pitching is a fluke. 3. Don’t eat expired cheese.
Whizzer: Tigers are human too.
Stick Figure: Powk chops and appleshaush!
TOPIC 2: If you ran into Jason Grimsley on the street, what would you say to him?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Can I have your autograph? Sign your name and your prison number, please.”
Phillip Thompson: I’d tell him where to stick it, but he might see that as a physical enhancement.
Leo Ebersole: “So it’s true–your hormone levels are higher than Phil’s.”
Whizzer: “There are no career shortcuts, my boy, only careers cut short.”
Stick Figure: “I categorically deny ever knowing Mr. Grimsley. Oh, look, my happy place.”
TOPIC 3: Who is the most uptight athlete in Chicago, and why?
Jimmy Greenfield: Veering a bit, I’ll say Andy MacPhail. If you took a piece of coal …
Phillip Thompson: Even though he’s gone, Frank Thomas. His clenching left an echo.
Leo Ebersole: Carlos “Pop Top” Zambrano.
Whizzer: I’m torn between Ken Williams and Mark Prior. Literally. Please make ’em stop!
Stick Figure: I made one little mistake, can’t you people LET IT GO?!?
TOPIC 4: The World Hunting Association debuts this week. What sports league do you want to see?
Jimmy Greenfield: The World Deers With Guns Association.
Phillip Thompson: The Senior Citizen Soccer Association. Good luck, and break a hip!
Leo Ebersole: The National Flip Cup Association. Unfortunately, every broadcast would be a blackout.
Whizzer: The Cartoon Dog Racing League. It’s on, Clifford, you Big Red Dork!
Stick Figure: Hunting is bad, unless it’s for Easter eggs!
TOPIC 5: A hooligan was arrested under England’s Football Disorder Act. What law does America need?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bill Wirtz and Designated Hitter Removal Act.
Phillip Thompson: Stupid Tax for athletes. Do something dumb, pay the fans. I now own you, Terrell Owens.
Leo Ebersole: The “Keep Jimmy’s Hands Where I Can See ‘Em” Act.
Whizzer: “Don’t Call It The Shedd Aquarium If You Can’t Shed There” Act.
Stick Figure: SCOOBY DOOBY DOO!!
———-
E-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
