TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: If you had the Stanley Cup for one day, what would you do with it?
Jimmy Greenfield: Same as with all my dates. Dinner, movie, sex, then give it to the next guy.
Leo Ebersole: Eat the most luxurious bowl of Cap’n Crunch I’ve ever had.
Brian Moore: I’d give it the honor a prestigious sports item like that deserves: As a potty for my kids.
Mike North: Bring it to Bill Wirtz’s office, let him get reacquainted, take some pictures since it’s been 45 years.
Bag Boy: Duct tape it to my car’s roof and drive through Detroit singing “Can’t Touch This.”
TOPIC 2: Dusty Baker said, “Are you guys going to miss me?” Would you?
Jimmy Greenfield: I can take him or leave him. But if he leaves, can he please take MacPhail with him?
Leo Ebersole: Of course I would. Where does he expect me to get my holy water? The church?
Brian Moore: Yeah, about as much as I miss that jock itch from my high school wrestling days.
Mike North: I’m a White Sox fan, so in a morbid type of way, I would want him to stay.
Bag Boy: I’m sorry, Dusty who now?
TOPIC 3: Where will the five of you be meeting to watch U.S. vs. Ghana?
Jimmy Greenfield: Don’t know about you guys, but I’ll be in North’s basement with the Sox-Cards game on.
Leo Ebersole: To remain objective, we’ll be watching from a neutral spot somewhere in the Atlantic.
Brian Moore: Bag Boy’s place. But only if he wears a red, white and blue bag.
Mike North: Everyone’s coming to Pappyland for a BBQ and a few brews. Then we kick soccer balls at Bag Boy.
Bag Boy: Wherever we go, I’m in charge of bringing the dip, so Mike, you can ride with me.
TOPIC 4: What will Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban do next?
Jimmy Greenfield: [Bleep] himself and then [bleep] the whole [bleep] league. What a sweet kid.
Leo Ebersole: Create more spectacles … for the refs to wear in Game 6. Zing!
Brian Moore: If we’re lucky, disappear through a worm hole to another planet.
Mike North: It would be nice if he bought the Cubs or the Hawks or the Bears, or the Score.
Bag Boy: I’m waiting for him to throw something so we can call it the Cuban Missile Crisis.
TOPIC 5: Why has the much-hyped Mobile ESPN service only signed up 10,000 customers?
Jimmy Greenfield: Because I’ve seen the ad 10,000 times and still don’t know what it does.
Leo Ebersole: Because people need sports updates on their phones like North needs more earwax.
Brian Moore: Imagine having Chris Berman with you everywhere you went. That’s why.
Mike North: Because if I want a phone I’ll go to Nextel. Who are the 10,000 numbskulls?
Bag Boy: They didn’t advertise enough. Again, my forehead could be available at a very low rate.
———-
E-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
