It’s summer, but your break is anything but relaxing. First, Mom enrolled you in early morning swimming lessons even though she knows you hate submerging yourself in cold water. Then you came home to a long list of chores. And now Dad is walking around the back yard in a Speedo. How embarrassing!
Vacation is supposed to be fun, but summer stress can make school look appealing. So before you start counting the days until it’s time to go back, here are some ways to fix those summer stressors:
SUMMER stress: Your parents are so weird. Mom sings aloud while she gardens. And Dad wears his grossest Hawaiian shirt with shorts and black socks while he does yardwork. How can they be so embarrassing?
Solution: Mom and Dad might be embarrassing to you, but they can get embarrassed too. Karen Judson, author of “Resolving Conflicts: How to Get Along When You Don’t” (Enslow Publishers, $31), says kids should not snap at their parents or laugh at them in front of friends.
Instead, take your parent aside at a different time. Start the talk off with something positive. For example, if Dad wears a teeny swimsuit to the pool, tell him how much you like going swimming with him. Then say how you wish he wouldn’t wear a Speedo.
“Offer to tell him what is cool,” Judson says. “Like, ‘You know, all the guys are wearing baggy swim shorts. I’d be happy to go shopping with you.'”
But don’t freak out if your parents won’t change their weird ways. Zahra L., 15, of Chicago says most other kids don’t notice anyway. “I don’t really think it’s a big deal. I don’t think anybody cares — everyone is so busy with what they have to do,” Zahra says. “Paying attention to [other people’s] parents is not important.”
Summer stress: You’re forced to play a sport you hate. Sometimes parents think it’s fun for kids to play a sport during the summer. But getting up early for a cold-water swim or leaving the AC for a scorching soccer practice can be anything but a good time.
Solution: First, decide whether this is a big or little problem, says conflict-avoidance author Karen Judson. “The exercise is probably good for you, but if it feels intolerable … try negotiation,” Judson says.
Kids need to prepare before they sit down to talk with their parents. Judson says kids are more emotional than adults during negotiations. “Emotion can take over, and then you forget everything you want to say. You forget all your good points,” she says.
Instead of melting down over morning tennis practice, Judson recommends making an organized list of your thoughts and complaints. Meet with Mom and Dad privately and go over the list. And be prepared: Your parents will most likely argue that the exercise is good for you.
Summer stress: You’re really spooked by summer storms — all that thunder and lightning is scaring you silly.
Solution: Learn the facts — and relax. Lightning is not going to strike you in your bed, says Bob Rauber, a professor of atmospheric sciences at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.
To be safe, use a cell phone or a cordless phone instead of a regular phone during storms. And stay away from windows and plumbing, such as the shower, Rauber says. “Plumbing is in the ground, and it’s a good conductor. Water also is a good conductor,” he explains. “Electric current can go up the pipes and strike you.”
It helps to get your mind off the storm, says Katie K., 12, of Chicago. When she was younger, Katie says, “my mom and I would play games [to] keep me focused on the game and not the thunderstorms.”
Summer stress: You have too many chores. While Mom and Dad are at work, you’re expected to clean the house. What are you, the maid?
Solution: Get organized so you can get out to play. Katie K. thinks five chores or more are way too much. She has fewer chores on her list — she has to make her bed, put the dishes away and take out the trash. If she has something important to do, such as swimming, she tries to get her chores done the night before.
For kids who think they have too many chores, Katie recommends making a schedule so you can plan on time to play. “Make a little day planner. Make a schedule, and take 30 or 45 minutes out of your time and get your chores done,” she says.
Kids also can talk to their parents if they feel their workload is too much. Author Karen Judson says kids have to be prepared not to get everything they want in a negotiation. You might not get relieved of all your chores, but you probably will get a few knocked off your list.
“You know you’ve reached a good solution if everyone feels they’ve won something,” Judson says.
