TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Be so gracious as to give us one All-Star Game prediction.
TOPIC 2: Ozzie Guillen didn’t start any Sox players in the All-Star Game because …
TOPIC 3: Venus Williams fell to No. 23 in the world. Now what?
TOPIC 4: Dwyane Wade’s been flooded with movie scripts. What should he pick?
TOPIC 5: How can the world improve their next World Cup?
Phillip Thompson: The AL will win, or they’ll be booking sensitivity classes for Ozzie well into 2007.
Leo Ebersole: At the last minute, Bud Selig replaces the game with a sausage race.
Brian Moore: The Cubs’ only All-Star, Carlos Zambrano, gets hurt as he delivers water to the starters.
Whizzer: It goes 22 innings. Jennie Finch gets the win, Jimmy Kimmel gets the loss.
Bag Boy: Somewhere, out there a Cub will be watching and he pulls/sprains/strains something.
Phillip Thompson: … they’re not on Mayor Daley’s “blessed list.” Oh, I’m calling you out, Daley.
Leo Ebersole: … he likes to keep his [bleeping] cards close to his [bleeping] vest.
Brian Moore: Are you questioning Ozzie? He’s untouchable, OK. Haven’t you heard?
Whizzer: … none of them finished their vegetables at dinner.
Bag Boy: … that just wouldn’t be fair to the NL.
Phillip Thompson: There’s always her fashion design. Uh, Venus, that looks so (gulp) … sexy on you? (shudder)
Leo Ebersole: She refocuses all her talent and energy … on her fashion line and reality TV projects.
Brian Moore: Soon, Roger Federer might overtake her.
Whizzer: A three-picture deal at Paramount.
Bag Boy: Next tournament she head-butts Maria Sharapova.
Phillip Thompson: In honor of Shaq, “Kazaam Returns.” Yes, it is a horror movie.
Leo Ebersole: The prequel to “Miami Vice,” featuring Gheorghe Muresan as the young Crockett.
Brian Moore: Definitely not “Kazaam 2.”
Whizzer: “The Dwyane Wade Story.” Jamie Foxx plays Wade, who lands a small role as an extra.
“Mission Impossible 4: Oh, No, Here Come the Chicago Bulls.”
Phillip Thompson: If there’s going to be head-butting, you gotta tell a brother in advance!
Leo Ebersole: With the halftime show spectacular, “What Can Zidane Break With His Head?”
Brian Moore: By studying World Wrestling Entertainment moves. They’re just as real.
Whizzer: Honestly, I’d like to see all future games played at Hef’s mansion.
Bag Boy: Play it next month and give us eight uninterrupted soccer-free years instead of four.
———-
chicagoredeye.com/fiveonfive
