Dear Detroit: Sox took Game 1, you took Game 2. If the Sox win Game 3, Lake Michigan becomes “Lake Illinois.” If you win Game 3 , you get Gary, Ind.
2. Character counts
Is the greatest Cub ever Ernie Banks, Billy Williams, Ron Santo, Ryne Sandberg or Fergie Jenkins? I’d throw Sammy Sosa in there, but he left early.
3. Revisionist history
An official scoring change improved Greg Maddux’s ERA. If it’s that easy, then let’s change those L’s to W’s and get this season back on track.
4. Fade route
The Bears’ exhibition opener is Aug. 11. Where the hell did summer go?
5. Giving up
And yes, please, let’s have the fantasy football geeks start talking up their fantasy drafts because, you know, it’s never too early for that.
6. Hairy deal
The Twins plan “Joe Mauer Sideburn Night.” First 10,000 fans get replica Mauer sideburns. The rest of you? Mock the first 10,000.
7. Win or else
Floyd Landis falls out of Tour de France contention, and with him goes most of America’s dwindling interest.
8. World gone mad
If Barry Bonds gets charged with failing to pay taxes on money made through sales of autographs and other memorabilia, does that increase or decrease the value of the merchandise?
9. A true showman
So Zinedine Zidane’s appearing before a FIFA disciplinary panel, and it’d be cool if they wheel the head-butter in wearing a straightjacket and mask like Hannibal Lecter.
FIVE MORE …
Pre-hearing reminders for Zidane:
– No head-butting.
– Smile. It can’t hurt.
– No, really. No head-butting.
– Bring a cute puppy. Everybody loves cute puppies.
– Seriously, can’t stress this enough: No head-butting.
———-
redeyesports@tribune.com
