TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Assess the last seven days for the White Sox.
Phillip Thompson: When all looked bleak, they roared back into the race, just like that guy Floyd Landis. Uh-oh.
Leo Ebersole: It’s been the kind of magical ride you shove small children aside at Six Flags to get on.
Brian Moore: “See ya next year” turns into “no hope,” then “a little hope,” then “false hope.”
Bag Boy: I feel like I’m being set up for a tremendous fall, and I don’t mean “autumn.”
Stick Figure: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
TOPIC 2: Predict one thing Tony Kornheiser says on his first “Monday Night Football” game.
Phillip Thompson: “If you don’t shut your yap, Theismann, you’ll be the victim of the first Bandwagon drive-by.”
Leo Ebersole: He repeatedly addresses both Mike Tirico and Joe Theismann as “Wilbon.”
Brian Moore: Something he thinks is funny followed by a laugh, then silence. We’ll be wishing for Dennis Miller.
Bag Boy: “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz …”
Stick Figure: Everyone knows they don’t play football on Mondays, silly.
TOPIC 3: What did the Bears’ exhibition opener on Friday tell you?
Phillip Thompson: The offense is in need of prayer, which I’m guessing is why they hired someone named “Pope.”
Leo Ebersole: Sorry, I wanted some suspense, so I skipped it to ride the Blue Line back and forth.
Brian Moore: I’m still not drafting Rex Grossman in my fantasy football league.
Bag Boy: Either the 49ers are very good or this fall I will be very, very mad.
Stick Figure: It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. It’s halftime snacks that I crave.
TOPIC 4: Next year Mark Prior will …
Phillip Thompson: … learn to pitch with his lips.
Leo Ebersole: … hear more boos than I did for question No. 3.
Brian Moore: … still make more money than me for doing a lot less work than me.
Bag Boy: … continue his magical tour of spot starts throughout the Cubs’ minor-league system.
Stick Figure: … see the film “Over the Hedge.” I didn’t get the jokes, but I liked the colors.
TOPIC 5: Any jock you’d like to see on “Dancing with the Stars” show?
Phillip Thompson: Serena Williams. I’ve never seen a man’s arms snapped just while doing the tango.
Leo Ebersole: Please, please, please put Mark Madsen on that dance floor.
Brian Moore: Tiger Woods. Oh, sorry, you said jock didn’t you?
Bag Boy: King of the four-rounders, pro boxer Eric “Butterbean” Esch.
Stick Figure: “Dancing Queen” is my favorite song.
