TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Describe the situation the Sox are in right now.
Jimmy Greenfield: Wonderful. That’s what I call being in a tight pennant race with six weeks to go.
Phillip Thompson: They’re a ways behind the Tigers, but they’re in position. As in “assume the position.”
Leo Ebersole: They need a win like Jimmy needs jock itch medication.
Adam Caldarelli: Lemont’s Little Leaguers might give them trouble right now.
Bag Boy: Perfectly calm, serene, at peace. And I see … a bright light and … a robed figure beckoning me.
TOPIC 2: How can Justin Gatlin spend his eight-year ban from track?
Jimmy Greenfield: By keeping his legs cryogenically frozen next to Ted Williams’ head.
Phillip Thompson: Isn’t there somewhere disgraced athletes can go? Besides on a book tour.
Leo Ebersole: By entering the seedy world of underground street foot-racing. Courage, man.
Adam Caldarelli: Barn raising with the Landis clan.
Bag Boy: 1) How good are his hands?
2) Can he fly in for Friday’s Bears game?
TOPIC 3: The Yankees are losing money. Tell us how America can help?
Jimmy Greenfield: Broker a deal in which Derek Jeter goes to Kansas City for prospects.
Phillip Thompson: What is this, Children International? Actually that kind of fits the Yankees.
Leo Ebersole: If only ESPN would televise more Yankees-Red Sox matchups …
Adam Caldarelli: America can’t help. America doesn’t care. Try Canada.
Bag Boy: Cancel the $1 billion stadium, play all home games in the Newark Airport parking lot.
TOPIC 4: Why did President Clinton fall asleep at the Mets game?
Jimmy Greenfield: Think about it. What is it we all do after sex? Besides exchanging money.
Phillip Thompson: Wow, what could have knocked him out like that?
It’s mind-blowing.
Leo Ebersole: The minute he found out what the ball girl really does, he was lights out.
Adam Caldarelli: Are we sure that wasn’t his “O” face?
Bag Boy: Because he was tired and couldn’t wait four months to nap at a Knicks game.
TOPIC 5: If you were a character in Madden 07, what special skill would you have?
Jimmy Greenfield: Toughest skill there is.
Keeping Madden away from the dinner table.
Phillip Thompson: I would tunnel under linebackers. I would just have to avoid Andy Reid’s gopher hole.
Leo Ebersole: The “Signal to agent during touchdown celebration” stick.
Adam Caldarelli: To be able to leave the sideline early and spend the rest of game in the equipment manager’s office.
Bag Boy: When I’m on the bench, hit R2 and the Grand Theft Auto strippers appear.
