TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: You need to draft a celebrity for your fantasy football team’s QB. Who is it?
Jimmy Greenfield: Matt Leinart. Duh.
Phillip Thompson: No one knows more about the backfield than Mr. J.Lo, Marc Anthony.
Leo Ebersole: I’m going with Angelina Jolie. Rugged, smart, and rumor has it she plays both ways.
Adam Caldarelli: Terry Bradshaw was in “The Cannonball Run.” I’ll take him.
Bag Boy:
Nick Lachey. What? I’m gonna boo one way or another, might as well make it count.
TOPIC 2: How can Ozzie Guillen ‘wake up’ his Sox team?
Jimmy Greenfield: Put this on the chalkboard: “Sox are done, finished, over, kaput. Besides, Twins are better.”
Phillip Thompson: A friendly game of poker. If that fails, an unfriendly game of searing hot poker in the leg.
Leo Ebersole: Replace the wood on the bench with liquid hot magma.
Adam Caldarelli: Maybe learn a third language and then swear at his team in it.
Bag Boy: Little Enya music, improve the clubhouse Feng Shui and the occasional jab with a cattle prod.
TOPIC 3: Tiger Woods winning PGA Player of the Year is like …
Jimmy Greenfield: … the Blackhawks winning “Worst. Franchise. Ever.”
Phillip Thompson: … Lindsay Lohan getting a lifetime achievement award from the Centers for Disease Control.
Leo Ebersole: … the president of MENSAwinning “Who Wants to bea Millionaire?”
Adam Caldarelli: … Dusty Baker winning themanager of the year award. Wait, analogies confuse me.
Bag Boy: … Darth Vader winning at craps. Eleven? Again? How does he do it?
TOPIC 4: Skater Michelle Kwan, 26, enrolled at the University of Denver. Give her some college tips.
Jimmy Greenfield: No matter what it looks like, vodka is not water.
Phillip Thompson: Not that we’re holding the last Olympics against you, but don’t drop out.
Leo Ebersole: “Intro to Anatomy” won’t be nearly as fun as it sounds.
Adam Caldarelli: Graduate and you’re somewhere between Condoleeza Rice and Sinbad on the famous alumni list.
Bag Boy: Landing a triple salchow for your English professor doesn’t guarantee an A. Trust me, I tried.
TOPIC 5: Help the Cubs get out of having to play out the season.
Jimmy Greenfield: Adopt the “Office Space” creed: “I don’t like my job, and I’m not going anymore.”
Phillip Thompson: Doctor’s note: Their offense is anemic.
Leo Ebersole: They don’t need my help–should be plenty of doctor’s notes lying around.
Adam Caldarelli: They’re still playing?
Bag Boy: Let fans sign up and play, call it a “fan experience,” and charge a ton for it.
