TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: You’re a publicist, sugarcoat the White Sox’s playoff picture.
Jimmy Greenfield: The White Sox are dead in the water (Note: I happen to be a terrible publicist).
Phillip Thompson: If they make it, it’s a comeback story. If not, it’s a tear-jerker. Either way I’m smellin’ Oscar.
Leo Ebersole: I hear those Twins players don’t floss properly. That’s bound to catch up with them.
Mike North: We got them where we want them.
Bag Boy: I don’t do PR, but if you insist: “Hey, at least there hasn’t been an E. coli outbreak from the creek we’re up.”
TOPIC 2: Now put a spin on the Cubs’ season.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Cubs embarrassed themselves, their friends and their families (Note: See above).
Phillip Thompson: I believe it was the Joker who said, “This town needs an enema!” Well, there you go.
Leo Ebersole: At least they’re not … killer … mosquitoes.
Mike North: Hey, we started out hot.
Bag Boy: You want spin? How about a spiral? Like the kind my toilet makes.
TOPIC 3: If the Sox don’t make the playoffs, what will happen?
Jimmy Greenfield: Close the drapes, shut off the lights and pop in the 2005 World Series DVD.
Phillip Thompson: Mayor Daley will veto the season.
Leo Ebersole: Bag Boy leaves the panel for “personal reasons,” only this time it’s not related to jock itch.
Mike North: Don’t make the playoffs! Unthinkable!
Bag Boy: I’ll be in a better mood for formal apologies once the fires die down.
TOPIC 4: Notre Dame will be on a Wheaties box. Make up a college football cereal.
Jimmy Greenfield: Fruity Domers.
Phillip Thompson: Notre Dame Golden Crunch.
I just got a cease-and-desist letter from Lucky Charms.
Leo Ebersole: Chocolate-Frosted Miami Overrated-O’s.
Mike North: Cheaties! Miami U.
Bag Boy: Florida State Semin-O’s? Nah. Colorado Buffalo Chips.
TOPIC 5: How would you stop agents from talking to college players.
Jimmy Greenfield: Place garlic around every player’s neck.
Phillip Thompson: “Jerry Maguire: Re-signed,” the director’s cut: “SHOW me the money! Show ME the money!…”
Leo Ebersole: Spray all Division-I athletes with shark repellent.
Mike North: Pay ’em off.
Bag Boy: Throw them in a ring with the school mascot. First up: Bevo, the Texas Longhorn.
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