Things, dear readers, are not always as they seem. Yes, this is shocking. And, even more shocking: People lie on their Internet profiles. We call these people Mels (and Melettes) in honor of the Mel who wrote on his profile that he was a doctor when he was actually an orderly, then claimed that the ATM was out of money and that the gold Hummer in the parking lot was his. Lies, all lies. Today we hear from readers who have encountered their own Mels and Melettes online. . . .
David: “My `Melette’ had a knock-out picture on her Web site. When I picked her up, I saw that she bore a slight resemblance to the photo but could not possibly have been the same person. I could tell it wasn’t an old picture of her because the clothes and hairstyle were current.
“Still, I was a gentleman and took her to a very nice restaurant for dinner. As we were getting up to leave, she said she wanted to give me her private number so I could always reach her. She opened her wallet to find a piece of paper, and there was the picture she had posted. It was her daughter! She didn’t even have the grace to look embarrassed.”
Laura: “My first `Mel’ was a lot older than he said. He spent the entire dinner telling me about all the scantilyclad young women who were chasing after him. I think he was trying to convince me that even though he was much older than me, I should find him attractive because other hot young women did. I didn’t.
“`Mel’ No. 2 had a nice photo and pleasant voice on the phone. We met for lunch and when he smiled his teeth were as yellow as Tweety Bird, with a few rotten ones thrown in. His conversation centered on sex, and he asked me if I would hold my shoulders back so he could see my breasts. When I felt his foot between my legs under the booth, I bolted!”
“`Mel’ No. 3 sounded like a classy, professional man. He was wearing a suit on the Web site and listed his profession as `Private Security Consultant.’ When he arrived at the restaurant he had a big wad of keys dangling from his belt loop which didn’t go with the image I had in mind. He then ordered before me, chomped his food loudly and didn’t ask if I wanted coffee or dessert.
“I thought that would be the end of it, but he asked if I wanted to see a movie. I don’t know why I said yes, but I did. I ended up driving because I couldn’t leave my car where I had parked it. We saw `The Piano.’ I paid my own way after he bought his ticket first. I found the movie heart-wrenching and excellent. He jumped up as soon as the credits rolled, declared it a waste of time and made a big stink when I asked if I could sit for a moment.
“When I drove him back to his car, it was an old van, which made sense once I learned that he was actually a security guard.”
Patrick: “My `Melette’ wrote that she was single, never married, no children. When I picked her up, there was a little girl about 3 and an infant in the house. She said they were her sister and her brother and that her mother had dropped them off because she had a date. There was a baby-sitter watching them. I thought it was kind of weird that the baby-sitter wasn’t watching them at her mother’s house, but I didn’t think much about it.
“Then at dinner, she kept referring to the children as `my daughter, I mean my sister’ and `my son, I mean my brother.’ I felt like I was in `Chinatown.’ The bottom line is, I don’t mind dating women with children, but I do mind liars!”
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Have you dated a Mel or a Melette? Send your tale, along with your relationship questions and problems, to cheryllavin@aol.com or Cheryl Lavin, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part and become the property of the column.
