TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What did we learn from the Bears’ big comeback?
Jimmy Greenfield: Never count the Bears out, and always pray Tony Kornheiser gets laryngitis.
Phillip Thompson: Those six turnovers by Rex Grossman were a clever strategy to get the defense on the field.
Leo Ebersole: That giving the Cardinals more weapons only helps them shoot themselves in the foot.
Mike North: That we can win even when we suck!
Bag Boy: Flinstones chewables make a poor emergency substitute for Valium.
TOPIC 2: ‘They are what we thought they were.’ What’s Dennis Green talking about?
Jimmy Greenfield: Honestly, I’ve watched that footage 10 times and I have no idea.
Phillip Thompson: He’s saying, “I’m the kind of buffoon who thinks you can make a statement in the preseason.”
Leo Ebersole: He’s trying to say he’s still a little shaken up by the ending of “The Crying Game.”
Mike North: I think he means the Bears are poo-poo!
Bag Boy: It’s his own little awkward way of saying he’s an idiot.
TOPIC 3: Who would you like to see in a Cubs uniform?
Jimmy Greenfield: Heidi Klum. Oh, IN a Cubs uniform? I stand by my choice.
Phillip Thompson: According to my dream last night, Judy Baar Topinka.
Leo Ebersole: Mark Prior. But seriously,folks …
Mike North: Oh, A-Rod, Zito, Jason Schmidt–is that asking too much?
Bag Boy: Carrot Top. He’d have the strongest arm in the pen, and they could teach him comic relief.
TOPIC 4: Why is attendance down for the NHL?
Jimmy Greenfield: The whole country just wants to stay home and watch political ads.
Phillip Thompson: Evolution: Their fans came from NASCAR and are moving up to competitive dirt eating.
Leo Ebersole: Fans are tired of explaining themselves when they say they’re off to see the Predators.
Mike North: How about ’cause no one gives a damn?
Bag Boy: There aren’t enough bags to go around.
TOPIC 5: They’re undefeated in the preseason. Are the Bulls the next Bears?
Jimmy Greenfield: Neither of those teams will win titles this year, and you can quote me on that.
Phillip Thompson: Defense is tough, offense is hit-and-miss, coach is bald–all signs point to “yes.”
Leo Ebersole: No. No matter how many kicks are missed, they won’t beat Phoenix.
Mike North: No–the Bulls’ schedule is tougher.
Bag Boy: The Bulls aren’t allowed to hit people like the Bears. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, guys.
———-
Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive
