Adam Caldarelli pops in. He’s from chicagosports.com. So does the Evil Super Computer. He’s from your nightmares.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHAT DOES REX GROSSSMAN WIN AS NFC PLAYER OF THE WEEK?
Jimmy Greenfield: A semi-permanent stay of execution.
Phillip Thompson: A game against the Detroit Lions! Sorry, no exchanges.
Leo Ebersole: A bonus AFC Player of the Week plaque. Frankly, LaDainian Tomlinson is tired of picking them up.
Adam Caldarelli: The right not to have every halfwit in town call for Brian Griese to start.
EvilSuperComputer: Portugal. I’ll have no use for it after the Techpocalypse.
TOPIC 2: THE CUBS HIRED AN ASSISTANT GM NAMED BUSH. WHAT ARE THE RAMIFICATIONS?
Jimmy Greenfield: Now the Cubs will even finish behind Iraq in the NL Central.
Phillip Thompson: The Cubs’ starting rotation will be referred to as “the enemies of freedom.”
Leo Ebersole: Checks meant for the team’s top players will mysteriously be made out to “Halliburton Co.”
Adam Caldarelli: “Hendry, you’re doing a heck of a job.”
EvilSuperComputer: It’s only a matter of time before the Democrats take over the bullpen.
TOPIC 3: RANK THE IMPORTANCE OF NORTHWESTERN BEATING PUERTO RICO-MAYAGUEZ.
Jimmy Greenfield: A loss would have cost NU its fan.
Phillip Thompson: Oh, it’s huge! Next time, the Sandals hospitality team better bring its “A” game!
Leo Ebersole: What’s truly important is that they’re 7-3, and that this game never be mentioned again.
Adam Caldarelli: It ranks right up there with the U.S. invasion of Panama.
EvilSuperComputer: Puerto Rico is key for military purposes. Well done, Northwestern!
TOPIC 4: WHO WOULD BE THE BEST OPPONENT FOR SYLVESTER STALLONE IN A REAL-LIFE FIGHT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Estelle Getty.
Phillip Thompson: Senility.
Leo Ebersole: The Klitschko brothers. In a steel cage. At the same time.
Adam Caldarelli: Bea Arthur or Abe Vigoda.
EvilSuperComputer: Andy Dick. It’s long overdue.
TOPIC 5: MAKE YOUR PITCH FOR PHIL JACKSON TO GET INTO THE HALL OF FAME.
Jimmy Greenfield: Are you kidding? Coached nine NBA champions. What else would you need?
Phillip Thompson: He managed to put a ring on the finACgers Kobe and Shaq used to flip each other off.
Leo Ebersole: It should be noted that Shaq started acting before Phil had a chance to talk him out of it.
Adam Caldarelli: He’s got 10 fingers and nine rings.
EvilSuperComputer: Col. Sanders?
Yes, he amuses me.
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