I have a friend whom I secretly refer to as “Angry.”
She hasn’t had a great history with men–thus her anger. But her constant state of rage and bitterness also is the reason she hasn’t had good relationships. She’d probably have better luck if she could stop being so bitter.
Bitterness usually strikes after a sour breakup, leaving victims feeling angry and believing that all relationships suck. But once you’ve adopted that theory, you’ve entered the world of the bitter.
Most bitter people don’t know they’re bitter. They’ve been hurt and think their violent oppositions to relationships are completely reasonable.
They’re convinced their venomous viewpoints are logical and universally true, given their experiences.
Somehow they believe it’s natural to want to set fire to every member of the opposite sex who crosses their path, and they are known to utter phrases such as:
– “Men are all pure evil.”
– “Why bother having a relationship? They never work anyway!”
– “I should remain celibate–even casual relationships aren’t worth the trouble.”
– “We should put all women on an island … and blow it up!”
It’s almost impossible for bitter people to have a good time. Everything pisses them off.
At a party, you can easily identify the bitter. They’re the ones standing around–usually against the wall or hanging on the bar–scowling.
You might find yourself wondering why the bitter even bother leaving the house, because they’re inconsolable.
They hate it when their friends are having fun, they won’t talk to anyone who dares approach them, and they incessantly check their watches or cell phones, counting the minutes until they can leave.
Afterward, if their friends are excited about the people they’ve met at the bar, the bitter feel it’s their duty to squash the joy and point out all of the negatives:
– “You shouldn’t meet men in clubs. He’s probably a player.”
– “Did you see what she was wearing? I’ll bet she was leaving to start her shift on the pole.”
– “He/she won’t call. They never do.”
By far, the most perplexing issue with bitter people is that they really don’t want to be bitter.
Although they’re asserting negative theories and opinions, they’re secretly hoping someone will come along and change their mind.
They’ve watched too many romantic comedies–about the woman who had given up on romance but meets the man of her dreams who pursues her until he melts her icy exterior. He exposes her for the vulnerable, sweet person she is.
In real life? That, like, never happens! Maybe whatever happened to cause the bitterness wasn’t your fault, but it’s your job to shake it off.
If you’ve recognized that you’re bitter, congratulations! That’s half the battle. Now you can take baby steps to replace the bitter with the sweet:
– Each day, find something to appreciate about members of the opposite sex.
– Avoid conversations about your ex.
– The next time you’re approached, don’t behead your admirer. Even if you’re not attracted, smile and engage in a brief conversation.
– Don’t think about toxic couples. Find a good-couple role model.
– Above all, commit to abolishing the anger, and have a great time.
INSIDE GINA’S HEAD
Big pet peeve: Bad drivers. I’m the road rage girl.
What superpower would you want? The ability to immediately detect people who are full of crap.
Odd Chicago moment: When I stumbled across the audition line for “The Biggest Loser.” I was hoping that I wouldn’t get confused for a potential contestant.
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THEGINASPOT@TRIBUNE.COM
